


The Truth

by LouiseFox



Series: Wasted Love [5]
Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-21 04:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30016308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LouiseFox/pseuds/LouiseFox
Summary: Farah decides to finally face the truth and tell Bloom the full story.Sequel to 'it has to end'.English still isn't my first language so once again: I have no idea what I'm doing here.
Relationships: Bloom & Farah Dowling, Farah Dowling/Rosalind, Farah Dowling/Saul Silva
Series: Wasted Love [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192784
Comments: 90
Kudos: 119





	1. Over

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bloom Dowling](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Bloom+Dowling).



It was just as Farah remembered it. Fire, deadly and final, taking everything with it that was in its reach. Smoke, thickening the air and making it hard to breathe. And still burning a body was harder than the most would have thought.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, her back turned to it because she didn’t dare to watch, but still not able to go because she needed to be there, to wait until it was over. Until she really knew it was. Until she could be sure.

Maybe she had imagined everything to be easier. To be less painful. To not leave a gap in her heart next to the others. A space she could never fill.

And it shouldn’t hurt this much. It didn’t seem right. Not after all. Because Rosa didn’t love her. Rosa used her and hurt her. The truth was hard to take. But she knew that wasn’t what changed everything this time. They had been there once, the point where she had the chance to end it. To kill her. But back then she couldn’t. She didn’t have the heart to do it. Deep inside of her she had wished she would love her and one day it could be. She had wished for another life. So she locked her away. But this time it was different. She loved her still, she couldn’t help to. But she understood fully how wrong that was. That it would never be different than now, it could never be. And Rosa wanted to use their daughter, to hurt her and then throw her away. It was the last bit she needed to clearly see.

Rosalind was a sociopath and a bitch.

But she wouldn’t get their daughter, fill her heart with her lies and destroy her life.

When she just thought about the way Rosa would train her, make her use her magic, live, it made her feel like she had to throw up. Rosa had played with them in a game for her own entertainment and use, just to get to the things she wanted.

Eventually she got herself moving. One last and final look behind herself told her she could go. The sun was already setting and if the fire calmed down animals would take the rest of her former mentor and lover. There would be nothing left by the morning.

And as she took the first step back towards the school it didn’t hurt that much anymore.

*

“I have been worried.”

It was already after midnight when she found her way back. She realized she couldn’t just go find her daughter and tell her everything. Not like this, not after this evening. It wouldn’t help either of them. So she did what was the only option for her, she sneaked into the rooms of the man who loved her the most and would be there now that she needed it.

But she imagined their conversation to go different.

“How could you just disappear for so long?!”

She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came over her lips. He stood there, angry shouting, his emotions so clear in his eyes. He was scared and worried.

“Would you please say something!”

Normally he didn’t lose his temper with her. At least not so fast. But seeing her like this frightened him.

Saul knew she had been out to find Rosalind and it seemed like she did. Until now she didn’t tell him yet what happened, but he saw something was wrong. She returned after many hours, looking…not so good. In his eyes she was still beautiful, of course she was, but there was this sadness in her eyes, this shadow in those brown orbits that told him something went wrong.

And she just didn’t speak to him. She stepped into his rooms just a moment after him as if nothing were wrong. As if she didn’t look the way she did; her hair a mess, shoot on her coat and her clothing everything but properly on her body.

She winced when he put a hand on her shoulder. “Farah? Please talk to me. Did you find Rosalind? What happened.”

Her words were sudden, she didn’t even think about it before she said the words:” I killed her.”

“You-“, the specialist held on. But her words were clear. “You killed her?”

“I made sure she will never return.”

He watched her for a long moment. Neither of them dared to say something even though there were so many words unspoken, so many things not said. And still they couldn’t get themselves to talk. After a moment she closed the last distance between them and pressed herself at his warm body, realizing how cold she actually was.

“You’re cold Fa. Let’s get you into other clothes.”

“Will you shower with me?”

Saul frowned, but nodded. It wasn’t completely unusual that she asked for it, but he didn’t expect him now. It only confirmed him in the belief that there had been something else that happened while she was with Rosalind.

But he shouldn’t ask her now. So instead, he guided her to the bathroom and started to strip her off her clothing as she didn’t seem to be in a state where she could do much. Her appearance didn’t show much of what she felt, it was a trait he knew she learned over the time, but it could be felt so clear in their bound. He saw how much it took her to keep herself together.

To kill Rosalind couldn’t have been easy. It must have been anything but that. And once he had sworn her that he would do it. The next time the chance was there he would shove his sword through her heart. And now he couldn’t keep that promise anymore. But it fitted, because Farah didn’t need someone to protect her.

“Is the water too hot?”, the brunette man asked after a moment, just to make sure even though he knew it probably was not.

Farah didn’t react. She couldn’t because she felt as if she were drowning in her emotions. It was too much. The full effect of her actions seemed to hit her more with every passing minute. Rosalind is gone. Gone. Just dead. And she would never feel her again. She could never hope again to be loved by her.

“I love you Farah. It’ll be alright.”

And like always she couldn’t answer to that too. She just accepted his hug, accepted his closeness because it gave her comfort, made her feel something in all her numbness. “We should go to bed Saul. Please. I…I…”

“Tell me.”, he turned off the water and reached for the towel to dry her again shivering body. “Maybe we should get you comfortable first. Then we can talk, okay Sweetheart?”

The fairy nodded. It was a start. Maybe if they sat together like it was a normal evening, she would get herself to talk. Because it was over, because Rosa couldn’t hurt her anymore. It felt like a new start. And still she had to keep herself from crying so hard.

And suddenly she sat on the couch with him, wrapped in a warm blanket with his arms around her. He had been right; this was comfortable and made her feel better.

“I decided that I will tell her.”

“You…you will tell her?”

“Yes.”, Farah looked him in the eyes, “She deserves the truth. I don’t want to be like Rosalind. I don’t want to lie anymore.”

He watched her for some time. It was hard in that moment to tell what she felt. “What happened when you were with Rosalind? You have been gone long.”

She was silent again and tensed.

“Farah?”

“No.”

Saul hesitated. “Did she- did she hurt you?”

“Yes.”

“And then?”

“And then I killed her.”, her tone was final, but he wasn’t satisfied with her answer. It wasn’t his intention to push her or to force her to talk, but he wanted to help her and knew he couldn’t until she told him about it.

“Saul- please. I’m tired. Can we- can we just sit here? I can’t talk about it. Not now. I just want this evening. Nothing more.”

He couldn’t deny her that. So he nodded and kissed her temple. “Alright.” If Rosalind was dead, they had time and didn’t need to fear anything. Farah would probably not tell him tomorrow; he knew her too well and was aware of the fact that she would try to push her own feelings and thoughts away. But she seemed sort of alright and was with him. So it was okay for now.

*

Farah woke up earlier than she would have liked. Her specialist was still sleeping next to her, his face buried in his pillow.

Seeing him like this should have made her feel different. It had been different with Rosalind. She felt warm and happy just seeing her. When she looked at him, she didn’t feel that. Saul always gave her the feeling of calmness, gave her something she was happy to return to in the evening. But it didn’t seem to be quite the same. While she knew when he looked at her it was as if she was the center of the universe. To know he loved her this much was a reason to do this. And that made her happy again. Because he was so happy.

It always helped her to know he was. Gave her some sort of comfort.

She cared so much about him that she didn’t mind not feeling the same. Not fully.

She moved out of his arms. It must have been too quick because suddenly his eyes flew open and he looked at her.

“Farah?”

“I’m sorry. I wanted to get up.”

“Don’t worry.”, he yawned. “How late is it?”

“Late enough.”, she briefly looked at her phone. “I will dress up and then go.”

“Why?”, the specialist frowned and reached for her hands, “It’s Saturday. Relax.”

To his surprise she didn’t protest and just sank back in bed next to him, her back turned to the wall and her face facing his. “I feel so…”

“I know.”, he pulled her a little closer. Now there wasn’t much space anymore between them. “I understand. And I want you to know that I’m here to talk, just like I have always been. I will be okay again, I promise you.”

And suddenly she couldn’t keep her walls up anymore and started sobbing into his chest. He held her and stroked her back, just stayed there to give her comfort.

“She’s dead. I killed her!”

“Yes.”, Saul kissed her forehead, “You did. You killed her. And I know you; you must have had a good reason to do it this time.”

“She would have hurt her. She would have used her. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“I know that.”, his hands cupped her face. So gently. And she tried hard to not think about Rosa. Rosa who didn’t hold her like that. Rosa who made her suffer so much. “You always did everything to make sure she was safe. You did so well.”

“No!”, her voice broke. She did not. Everything should have been better. She could have done so much more. “Rosa was right- I’m- I’m a horrible mother! My god…she doesn’t even know of me!”

Saul gently slapped the back of her head. It was something that normally would have made her grin. Now she only managed to look confused at him under her tears.

“Don’t you ever believe what Rosalind told you. Yes, your girl doesn’t know she’s yours. But you’re not a horrible mother. I know that. I know you better than everyone else and I have been with you, don’t you remember? I know you did everything you could to make sure she grows up safe.”

“But- but-…”

“No ‘but’s’. You have done so, so good. And I’m with you.”

Rosalind, not Saul. It should have been Rosalind. And Farah wished she could finally stop thinking like this.

“Do you…do you want to talk about yesterday?”, after a moment of silence he just had to ask her. Maybe she would tell him.

Farah sighed a little and closed her eyes. “I met her in the graveyard. It isn’t- It isn’t very interesting.”

“I still want to hear it.”

Of course he did. And she knew she would feel better after forcing herself to tell him. “She told me. She told me that she never loved me. That she used me. And she said- she immediately knew about Bloom being…being our daughter.” She cringed at the word ’our’. Her girl wasn’t Rosa’s. Rosa didn’t deserve that. “And then-“

“And then?”, the specialist sat up and pulled her onto his lap so he could wrap his arms again around her.

It took her a long moment until she managed to continue. “She…touched me.”

“Touched you?”, Saul frowned and looked her up and down. And suddenly he understood, the pieces started to fit more together. It explained half of the way she looked like when she got back to him. It explained the scratches on her skin that he had tried to ignore while taking a shower with her. “Farah- I’m sorry.”

“She threatened me- she- she-“, she tried to not end up in tears. Because why should she cry about it now when she was the one to enjoy it for years? When she had enjoyed for years to be touched by Rosa, to have her treat her like shit just so she was close to her? It wasn’t as if Rosa had never done this to her before. And still this time felt so much more painful. “She said she would- She said she would use the spell again-“

He swallowed:” But she didn’t, did she?”

“…no. No, she did not. She stopped doing what she did soon after saying that. And then I killed her.” She felt calmer after finishing with speaking than she expected. Her tears dried and she just hugged him tighter.

“I’m so proud of you Farah. I’m sorry she hurt you. Do you…need something?”

“No.”, the fairy quickly shook her head. She didn’t want him to worry because she was okay. “I’m fine Saul. I think I just need some time to process this.”

“I understand that. And it’s just another reason to relax today.”

Farah sighed. She couldn’t. She had never been someone who could just sit. She needed to do something. And deep inside of her she just wanted to finally talk to her girl and tell her everything. But she needed to think about this first, she needed to plan it.

“I…I will make us breakfast.”

She was out of bed before he could say anything. So after dressing up he followed her in the kitchen where she stood and made scrambled eggs with bacon.

“I love you Farah. So much. You know I would do everything for you, right?”

“Right.”, she managed a short smile. Then added:” I love you too.” He knew how she meant it.

“So…what happens now?”

“Nothing. We don’t have to bother with Rosalind anymore. Nothing will change.”, the fairy nodded towards the table where he sat down. A moment later she placed a plate in front of him. “Eat. I think this time it tastes alright.”

“You said that last time too.”, he smirked, “I always wondered why someone as smart as you is so incapable of cooking.”

She huffed:” Because I focus on other things.”

“Right. Like-“

There was a knock at the door. Both looked up from their breakfast. It was very seldom that someone wanted something from him, especially at that time and day.

A little annoyed he got up and opened the door. Farah stayed where she was, just to make sure no one would see her. She didn’t have the energy now to deal with rumors about her and the specialist’s headmaster.

It was Sky as the voices told her and she waited until she heard steps to know if she could stay sitting there or should leave the room. She didn’t want to have to explain why she wore the boy’s adoptive father’s sweater and shorts.

Of course he knew they were close, but not this close.

But before she got up, he was already standing in the kitchen, Saul on his feet. “Sky-“

“Aunt Farah.”

She smiled. “Sky.”

“I think you should come.”, he didn’t return her smile. Instead he looked at her with such a cold expression it made her shiver. “And take on something else.”

“Uh-“

The fairy looked up to her specialist who seemed to be as confused as she was. But as she sensed the urgency in the teenager’s words she stood up and went to quickly change clothes. She kept some of her things here just in case she stayed overnight and didn’t have the time to go back to her own rooms.

From the bathroom she could hear the voices of the two men in the floor, both talking about something she couldn’t make out.

Five minutes later she was with them again. “So what did I miss?”


	2. Back

She couldn’t believe Sky’s words. Not until she saw it herself. And indeed, in her office there were standing Luna and Andreas. The Andreas they all thought was dead. She was just as shocked as her specialist who suddenly grabbed her hand, both looking at each other unsure.

“Ah. You’re finally here.”, the queen gave them a more than faked smile. It was clear how less she thought of them. “We waited quite a while.”

“What are you doing here?”, Farah swallowed and looked away from the man who was supposed to be dead to look at the other fairy again.

“We’re here because Rosalind asked us to be.”, it was Andreas who answered for her. His expression cold and glued past them on his son. “And to charge headmaster Silva of murder. Well…”, now he looked directly at them, “…attempted murder.” A grin played around his lips.

She felt Saul tense at these words. His grip around her fingers tightened and she cringed a little at this. But the fairy and specialist before them could talk as much as they want, without Rosalind there wouldn’t be much that could happen. And she would do everything to prevent Saul from harm, just like he did for her.

“Where’s Rosalind? We were waiting for her, not you, actually.”, if possible, the fake smile of Luna got wider. It reminded her of a shark, or another beast.

“She’s dead.”, Farah didn’t want it to say like this. But her anger let the words come out of her mouth before she could overthink them, “But if you want, I can show you her grave, your majesty.”

Now the shock was to be seen on the other woman’s face, while Andreas took it with a frown. “Dead?”

“Yes. Dead. So whatever you planned with her won’t work.”, she crossed her arms, “So I suggest we forget all this, and you leave again.” It wouldn’t be that easy and she knew it. Anger rose inside of Luna, that was clear. She stopped smiling and instead eyed her with such antipathy it was hard to miss.

“Silva will still be charged-“

“For what?! For trying to stop a village from being destroyed?! In that case you have to drag Andreas and me to court as well!”, Farah couldn’t stop herself from shouting. It was too early and just not the right time to stay calm. This gave her the rest, yesterday had been a shock and overwhelming, but now the pot was definitely boiling over. “Why don’t we just charge everyone for things they did in the war! You are no saint yourself Luna!”

They were all starring at her in shock. Farah was no one who lost her temper. Never. Not like this.

“I won’t allow you to destroy everything Luna! So stop this. I don’t care about what you were up to, I really don’t. Just go. It’s over.”

She wanted it to stop. The whole plots and intrigues forged by Rosalind had to stop. And if that meant to ignore the fact that Luna and Andreas wanted to get rid of them she would do so.

Eventually the queen stormed out of the office. Andreas didn’t follow her.

“Nice that we talked about it.”, Farah muttered and turned around as well. For her this conversation was over. She knew sooner or later Luna would come back to it, but for now they would have some peace. The question now was what Andreas intended. It was probably revenge, but Saul would want to do this alone. “Come Sky. Let’s go.” She felt the confusion inside the teenager.

It must have been quite a shock for him to find out today that his real father wasn’t dead.

“NO. He will stay with me.”, Andreas took a step forward, but Saul already stood before his partner and adoptive son, ready to protect them.

“They will go. Now it’s time for us to talk. I see you weren’t smart enough to follow Luna.”

Farah watched the two man for a moment then grabbed Sky’s wrist and pulled him out of the room together with her. This wasn’t something they needed to listen to. Her specialist would be able to do this alone, she knew he didn’t want them to be there.

*

After the way Sky had seen her in the morning, she thought it would be nonsense to pretend much more. In case he would ask her about her and Saul she would just tell him the truth.

So she took the boy who actually wasn’t a boy anymore back to his adoptive father’s rooms.

“Have you had breakfast yet?”

“In case that’s your offer to cook for me please don’t.”, he handed her the plates that were still standing on the kitchen table so she could wash them up.

“Oh please.”, Farah laughed. It wasn’t a secret how poor she did with that. “No but…I think there’s toast somewhere? Or…I don’t know-“, she put down the sponge and opened a cabinet not far from where he stood. “Somewhere here should be some cereal-“

“I don’t want anything Aunt Farah. But thank you.”, his tone showed off how much must be going on in his head right now. He sat down and looked away.

Not sure what she could do to help him she sat down next to him and reached for his hand. “Do you want to talk?”

They have always had a good relationship. As she had been a lot around for both Saul’s and Ben’s children, she started to take on the role of ‘Auntie Farah’ and be there whenever they needed someone else than their fathers to talk to.

But as they got older the conversations became less.

“I’m- I’m so confused. I don’t understand what is going on! That…that was really my father, right?”

“Yes.”, she nodded, “Did Saul tell you…?”

He sighed. “He did.”

The fairy wasn’t sure what to say that. She wondered how she would react if a person, in the boy’s case his father figure, who raised him, told her that he killed her real father. Just to then have that father show up nearly twenty years later.

“You know that he loves you, right? All he wants is to keep you safe. He always did. And what happened between him and Andreas has nothing to do with you.”, she wished he would look at her so she could see his expression. Like this it was hard to tell without her powers to know what he felt. And reading his mind wasn’t something that seemed right. “He is the same man you knew.”

“I know.” Now he looked at her and she sensed the conflict in him.

“Maybe you should talk to Silva.”

“What do you think will happen with Andreas?” She found it interesting how he referred to him with his name and not as his father.

But she didn’t know the answer. In the worst case the conversation of the men ended in broken bones and blood, but she knew Saul would manage it perfectly. He had always been better than Andreas. It couldn’t go much wrong. Still, if he weren’t back soon, she would go to look after him.

“I don’t know Sky. It will depend. I don’t know what he, Luna and Rosalind were up to. I probably don’t want to know. But as long as nothing happens, and everyone ‘behaves’ we can’t do anything.”, there wasn’t much she could do against Andreas. She didn’t have less blood on her hands than he did, the same for Ben and Saul. So whatever was put against him could be put against them.

The teenager sighed and stood up. “I don’t know who to trust.”

“But you know you can trust me, right? I’m here if you need to talk.”

“I know.”, he gave her a small smile and then headed towards the door.

He was nearly at the door when a sudden question popped up in her head. The whole morning had been such a mess that she forgot something. Something important that had bene the motivation for all in the last twelve hours.

“Sky?”

“Hm?”

“Do you know if Bloom stayed here for the weekend?” She knew the two were close, so he probably knew where she was.

Sky frowned, then shook his head and shrugged. “She didn’t. She and her friends went to visit her parents.”

*

When Saul wasn’t back twenty minutes later, she went back to her office to check on him. Only to find out the two men weren’t there anymore. A little annoyed that he didn’t even text her she made her way through the building to find him. It was probably just fair for her disappearing yesterday, but still it bothered her.

Of course she didn’t believe that Andreas did something to him, but she would rather be safe than sorry.

He came across her way after some minutes. Quickly she looked him up and down, checking if he was alright. There was some blood on his collar, but she was sure it wasn’t his.

“Please tell me you didn’t kill him.” It was the worst case. Because if he had done that, she wouldn’t be able to protect him from Luna.

But the specialist gave her a small huff and nodded towards his left, the floor that would bring them to the greenhouse. Ben still needed to know what was going on.

“I wish I did. But no.”

“Then…?”

“I’m pretty sure he won’t bother us anymore. He left to join our queen.” The way he pronounced her title was just slightly mocking. “He warned me that he will be back, but I don’t take that very serious for now.”

“Wonderful.”, she gave him a short grin.

As it was Saturday and still early no one was around. She wondered not for the first time why teenager needed so much sleep. Not that there was much life anyways on weekends in the school, many took the chance for a quick trip to their families. So knowing no one would see it she stepped a little closer to him and took his hand. Not completely because it was what she needed, but to see a smile on his face that showed her how much he liked that and how much it made him happy.

*

“Can I join you?” It was late and Farah didn’t want to be alone anymore. After informing Benjamin over what happened since yesterday, she had excused herself and went into her rooms to be alone, where she could think.

Where she could allow herself to be sad. It was hard to really be sad, because how could she be sad over Rosa, when Rosa only hurt her? When Rosa did all these things to her? It was horrible. But still she felt sad.

Because she loved her, and she was gone now.

Part of her body told her she wasn’t grieving enough. She should be more under shock and should feel more than she did. Strangely she just couldn’t.

And after some time she couldn’t stand being alone anymore. So she looked for her friends and colleagues again, the two men she trusted with all her heart. It wasn’t hard to find them. Together they sat on a balcony, drinking something that suspiciously seemed to be alcohol.

Saul wordlessly handed her his glass. She took it and drowned its content. The liquor was strong and burned.

“Sorry. Should have warned you.”, he gave her a small smile and put an arm around her waist to pull her closer.

To be honest, she didn’t like that much body contact while they were around others, even if it was just Ben. They never directly told him what was between them, in fact they didn’t know it themselves, but he understood anyways.

“This is a mess, isn’t it?”, Ben studied them for a moment before looking back at the dark sky.

“It could be worse. This time we only had to bother with her some days.”

Her words caused the two men to huff dryly.

After that she didn’t know what to say. Being around them was nice and it gave her the feeling of everything being alright. For just some minutes she wouldn’t need to lose herself in too many thoughts and emotions, because even though she wasn’t as sad as she probably shouldn’t be, she was overwhelmed by how lost it could make her feel to know Rosa wasn’t there anymore.

“Are you okay?” Just after a while she noticed her specialist was talking to her. “You’ve been starring into space for quite some time.”

Farah nodded. “I’m sorry. It’s been a long day.”

“Would you rather go to bed?”

She wondered if he was this open with their relationship because Rosa was dead now. Normally he wouldn’t ask like that. Not this way, not so clear that he would come with her if she said yes.

Ben just raised an eyebrow at them as if to silently ask if he missed something.

“If you don’t mind?”

He shook his head and took the glass out of her hands to place it next to Ben’s on the handrail. They wished him a good night and then left. It was still too early to go to bed actually, usually they stayed up way longer. And when Farah laid down it felt as if yesterday was already something that happened years ago.


	3. Mom

In the beginning she had wondered why it was that her girl looked so much like Rosa. It was the only thing she could see when she looked at her. Especially those eyes. Those blue, deep oceans. It probably was the most prominent thing about the young woman.

But now, the longer she looked at her she started to think there was at least a little of her in the girl. Maybe it wasn’t as prominent, still it was there.

What really was prominent were her traits and behaviors. They were something she could definitely see inside herself.

And it would be harder than she thought to tell her everything. But Farah knew she waited long enough now, already broke the promise she made herself to do it directly after returning from the graveyard. It was time now. The weekend was long over, and a new week started.

Everything continued just as it was before Rosalind, before the burned ones. And when she taught the class in which Bloom was, she had to hold herself back from not ending in tears, or just shouting the truth out in the rare seconds she felt confident enough to face it.

Then Friday came. And Saul made her walk to the suit in which her girl slept, hoping she would find her there.

She wished she could know when the right time was. If that was even a right time. But her specialist made her realize there would be no real right time. Not for an information like this. So the sooner she said it the better it was. For all of them. And she knew she had to know, just because it was right.

So Farah knocked at the door.

It was Terra who opened the door, a surprised smile on her face. “Ms. Dowling?” Of course she wouldn’t call her ‘Auntie Farah’ here. Not when someone was around. But the smile she gave her was friendly and familiar, with the same hint of happiness in her eyes that always laid in them.

“Hello Terra. Do you know if Bloom is here? I would like to speak to her.”

The confusion was clear on the brunette’s face, but after a moment of looking questioning at her she went back inside.

Just a short moment later the red-haired girl sticked her head out, with an expression on her face that showed clear off that she was scared of having done something wrong and receiving her punishment now.

“Yes?”

“Bloom. Would you mind coming with me? There’s something I would like to talk about.” She shouldn’t sound so distant and still she did. Her words should be friendlier, make sure the girl wasn’t so scared of this conversation.

“Did I…did I do something wrong?”, she stepped out of the room and closed the door behind herself. Farah realized that she already wore something that seemed to be a pajama. “Is it because of Rosalind?”

Farah suddenly remembered that still no one but Saul, Ben, Luna, and Andreas knew about her death.

“No. Not in the way you think. Come with me.”, she nodded to her left where a floor would lead them to her rooms.

It was something she thought about for a while; the right place to give her the information she deserved to have. Her office wouldn’t have been appropriate, it wasn’t personal enough, and any other place didn’t give them the chance to really talk in private.

The fairy sensed it would look a little strange at first, but it was the best choice.

“Are these your rooms?”

“Yes.”, after two minutes or so they finally were there. She unlocked the magically sealed door with a quick movement of her hand and then opened the door so the girl could enter. “Do you want to drink something?”

“Uhm…no thanks.”

The discomfort in Bloom was clear as she nodded towards the sofa and offered her so to sit down.

“Are you sure? The conversation could be a little longer.”, she gave her a smile, hoping it would make her feel less unsure, “What about some coffee?” It actually was a little too late for coffee, but the teenager seemed relieved that she offered something specific.

“Sounds good.”

A few minutes later she handed her a cup filled with the hot liquid and sat down across her on a chair.

Now that they were there, she wished she didn’t agree on this, wished she didn’t need to have this conversation. All the words she prepared for this seemed to vanish. How should she tell the girl she lied to for weeks that she was the person she was looking for? She would hate her just like Rosa had told her.

“So…what do you want to talk about? It must be important, right? If you want to have this conversation here.”

Farah took a deep breath. “It is important. But you don’t need to be so frightened, I don’t want to lecture you on something. It is rather something more…personal.”

“Personal?”, of course Bloom was confused and sat up straighter.

She nodded. “Yes. I…there is something I have to tell you. Something I should have told you earlier. But I have been afraid, I feared your reaction. Actually I didn’t even know how to tell you.” Now she realized how cowardly that actually was. “I…I want you to know that I’m sorry about all the lies you had to listen to, all the different versions of your story you had to hear because I wasn’t able to tell you the truth.”

The red-haired girl seemed to slowly understand in which direction this conversation was going.

“Are we…are we talking about my parents? Do you know who they are? And where I come from?”

It took her some deep breaths and a long moment until she was able to answer her question. Suddenly the temperature in the room seemed to be so cold and she shivered. If she only were able to see into the future, to know what reaction she would get from her next words. “I am your mother Bloom.”

This wasn’t how she wanted to say it. Not like this, not so prompt, not in these words. But they were direct and unmistakable. “I am beyond sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I’m sorry. I understand if you hate me for this, if you’re angry and never want to talk to me again.” Damnit, she didn’t want to cry. And still tears burned in her eyes and ended up dripping over her cheeks. “Believe me, I hate myself enough for not telling you the truth. I’m sorry.”

And Bloom did what she didn’t expect her to. She left her place from where she sat on the couch and hugged her, pulled her closer and comforted her where it should actually be the other way around.

“I’m so sorry Bloom. I-I know this isn’t what you want to hear but I-I-“

The arms around her tightened their grip. “Don’t say that. I…I’m not saying I’m not disappointed, or confused, or understand it but…I know you wouldn’t lie or do something without having a reason.”

Her girl shouldn’t be so patiently with her. She didn’t deserve it. Not after all her lies and the time she pretended to not have the answers she was looking for.

And for a long time they stayed like this, after a moment Farah wrapped her arms around the girl as well and held each other while they were both thinking about how this should continue, what they needed to say and what questions needed to be answered.

Finally they broke apart and she wiped the tears out of her face with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be the one crying here.” She wondered how the girl managed to stay so calm and not scream at her or something. It was what she had expected and not having to face that made her feel even more unsure.

“I guess it’s normal if you cry. Crying helps.”, Bloom handed her a tissue from the small coffee table and she took it with a smile.

“Sometimes yes. How…how can it be that you’re not angry? That you’re sitting so calm here with me?” It shouldn’t be like this. If she have had to stand all this at such a young age, she would have reacted much more aggressive, much more emotional.

Her red-haired daughter shrugged:” I don’t think anything can surprise me anymore. I just…it makes sense now, you know? A lot of it. Especially something Rosalind said to me.”

“What?”, she frowned. “What did she tell you?”

“She said I was brought to my human parents because you couldn’t give me what I needed. I thought that was meant different, more related to you now teaching me and making sure everything is fine. But it makes more sense this way, doesn’t it?” For the first time since the beginning of this conversation the girl looked at her. And again she noticed those blue eyes that were a copy of her former lover and mentor’s. “Is that what you meant when you said you had to make a decision when you became headmistress? To send me away?”

When it was put this way it sounded even worse. Yes, she did exactly that. And as the lies should end, she nodded slowly. “Yes. It was what I meant.”

Bloom took a deep breath and looked away. And still she seemed to be sort of calm, just overwhelmed by the situation in general. Not that she could blame her.

“And…what happens now?”

“Whatever you want Bloom.”, she reached for her hand. It was after the hug they shared in her office the first time she really made physical contact with her daughter. And the girl allowed it and looked at her again. “I don’t expect anything of you, I want you to know that. But I promise you to answer all your questions. There won’t be more lies, I swear it. No matter what you decide I will be here. I know that won’t make up for what I missed. I know I can never make that good, but I will try to be everything you want me to be in the future.”

Even if she didn’t want her around, even if she would decide in some time to hate her. Farah would have to accept it for the sake of her child if it meant she would be happy.

“Do you love me?”

It was a simple question, and it broke her heart that her girl needed to ask that. “I do Bloom. I love you more than anything else. What I did was all to protect you. I know you don’t understand that now. But you will one day.”

“I don’t…I don’t know if I want to hear the full story yet.” She shifted. And Farah was prepared for her daughter to get up and leave, but instead she rested her head on her lap and closed her eyes. It brought again tears to her eyes. “But I trust you.”

“Thank you.”, slowly she brought her hands into the red hair and started to stroke it. She wished so much she could have done that earlier. She wished she never decided how she did and could have seen her grow up into this wonderful young woman. But maybe it wouldn’t have worked. This way was after all the one that seemed the safest, the smartest. And her girl was alive and well. So it couldn’t all have been wrong. “I love you so much. All I wanted was for you to be safe. Everything I decided was to your well-being.”

“I know. It’s okay.”

The older fairy smiled a little more and kept silent from then on. There would be another time when they could continue talking, for now it was nice enough to be able to be near her.

*

Bloom didn’t leave her, even after they finished their coffee and had some casual conversations as if nothing had changed.

She had offered her to go, told her it would probably be better as her friends must wonder where she was, but her girl decided to stay with her.

It didn’t feel strange at all even though it probably should; they were strangers, they didn’t really know each other and still it felt comfortable and right. So after some time the two women started to cook something for dinner.

Of course it had to be something easy, Bloom didn’t show any signs of the ability to help her more than cooking noodles, while Farah herself was happy as long as she didn’t burn down anything. Usually she didn’t cook dinner. It was Saul’s or Ben’s duty.

“Sooo…can I drink too, or will you give me the ‘you’re too young for that’-talk?”, the redhead asked as she opened the fridge to get a bottle of wine. In case they would pick up a subject from earlier in some time she would need the alcohol to answer some questions.

“Of course.”, she didn’t have the illusion that her daughter never drank, so what would it matter. “The glasses are over there-“, she pointed at a cabinet. “-take them to the living room? I will follow you in a moment with dinner.” The sauce was nearly finished.

And two minutes later they sat together again, eating, and watching something on tv that both barely focused on.

Farah sensed Bloom wanted to ask her a few things now after all, even though she said she wanted to wait, and that would be okay, but she seemed to still hesitate and so she would wait until she came to her on her own with those questions.

“Did you tell your friends where you are?”, she had to ask, because since she picked her up several hours passed. They shouldn’t worry about the girl being gone so long.

“I texted them that I was fine and would be back late a few minutes ago.”

“Alright then.” Now she got reminded herself that Saul must wonder in some time where she was. But she didn’t get any messages from him, so he probably understood that she was still with her daughter.

“Is it okay that I stayed here so long?”

She looked at her. “Of course Bloom. You can stay as long as you want. It’s nice that you do.”

Bloom smiled slowly:” I am lucky that you’re my mom, you know? I don’t think I could wish for someone better than you.”

How could she say that after her sending her away? Making her grow up without her, with people who wouldn’t understand her, with people who wouldn’t be able to prepare her and help her with her powers?

“Thank you. I appreciate your words.”

The red-haired girl moved from where she sat and came closer to her, rested her head on her shoulder.

She wasn’t prepared for it. Her daughter managed to catch her so often off-guard, with questions or physical contact when she didn’t expect it. When she expected her to back off or be angry instead of so nice.

“Can I call you Mom?”, the question was so innocent and managed to make her tear up again.

“I would love that Bloom. You have no idea how much this means to me.”, she gently pressed a kiss on the red locks. “It was so hard to not see you grow up, believe me. I regret it every day and still I know it was the best decision. I couldn’t have promised your security if you grew up with me. I know what happened lately didn’t keep you safe either, but to know you had a safe childhood was worth it.”

The young woman nodded and wrapped an arm around her. “I am thankful for what you did. I had a nice childhood, my parents-“ Farah swallowed at this, but it was normal Bloom referred to them as her parents. It was the only thing she knew for nearly seventeen years. “-are wonderful. I had my disagreements with them, but who doesn’t?”

“Teenagers are annoying to everyone.”

For her words she earned an elbow in her side. It caused her to laugh.

“You won’t leave me again, right?”

She shook her head. “Never Bloom.”

Bloom nodded and rested her head back against her shoulder. “Can I…can I stay here? Tonight?”

And again she managed to surprise her. “Uhm…yes. Of course you can. But how will you explain that to your friends? I don’t want them to think I killed you or something.”

Her daughter laughed. “No, of course not. I will tell them…I can’t just text them all this, right?”

“No. Don’t think so.”

“Well, then I tell them I went out and I will see them in the morning.”

With that both were satisfied. After staying sitting like this a few minutes longer Farah got up to bring their glasses and plates in the kitchen while Bloom inspected her rooms. It was nothing special, besides the living room and kitchen there was the bedroom, a bathroom, and a smaller office where she just kept lots of dusty books and papers.

When she went back to check on her after cleaning up their dishes, she found her sitting on the couch, reading one of the novels she kept in a basket under the table.

“You read fantasy books?”

Farah grinned a little at that question. “I have a life and personality besides this school, you know? So yes, I do.”

“Good to know.”

She leaned against the doorframe and watched her. For just another time she wondered how it would have been to see her grow up, if she would have been a good mother, if it would have worked.

Her thoughts were broken by the door to her rooms opening. It was Saul. He was the only person to be able to just enter her rooms, which she kept magically locked since a few years ago some students tried to break in. A concerned expression spread across his face, but soon it was replaced by confusion as his eyes wandered to Bloom sitting on her couch, reading.

A quick look to the watch told her it was nearly ten now. The time flew by so quickly.

“Uhm-“, the specialist closed the door behind him and now the girl noticed him too and looked up.

“Headmaster Silva?”

“Good evening Bloom.” A little awkwardly he stepped inside the room.

Farah wondered how they should handle this situation now. It was a little embarrassing.

“I uhm, I texted you Farah.”, he finally turned to her and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “You didn’t reply.”

“What- Oh. I’m sorry.” He was right. She opened WhatsApp and noticed he did text her half an hour ago. “But everything is okay.”

“Okay then- see you tomorrow?”

Normally he would stay. It was rare they spend the nights alone. But when they wanted to keep their façade up, he had to leave now. This was suspicious enough.

“See you.”, she smiled softly, thankful he was so mindful about the situation, “I will tell you tomorrow, okay?”

“Of course. Good night.”, he looked at her for a moment longer, then nodded towards Bloom and left.

Farah took a deep breath, realizing now she held it. This could have been worse. But she wasn’t ready to explain that yet to Bloom. Not as long as she didn’t even know herself how, or in what way. Because what was this? A relationship? Love? Was it love if she didn’t know if she returned it, but stayed anyways because she didn’t want him to be in pain, or because she wanted to be loved?

“Okaaay that was strange.”, the girl raised an eyebrow, “Did I miss something? Is there something you want to tell me, maybe?”

“Don’t think so.”, she shook her head, “He just wondered where I was, that’s all. So do we want to go to bed now? It’s late.”

Bloom nodded and put the book she read away. “I can sleep with you in the bed, right?”

“If you didn’t want to, I would take the couch. But-“

“I think we can share a bed.”

The mind fairy nodded and went ahead to the bedroom. After looking through her closet for some time she found something Bloom could wear to sleep and handed it to her with a smile. “I hope that fits.”

“You’re so much taller than me.”, the girl took the shirt and sweatpants with a slight grin, “Do you think I will grow a little more?”

“I don’t know.”, she laughed. “But it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“No.”, Bloom took the clothes and went with them in the bathroom, “Do you have like a second toothbrush or something?”

Farah heard her open a cabinet. Hopefully, she wouldn’t find Saul’s things. “Wait- I will give you something.” Quickly before the girl could discover even more, she handed her a new toothbrush out of a drawer. “Take this.”

“Why do you have men’s shampoo?”

“…maybe I like it?”

“Your hair smells like strawberries but nice try.”

She blushed at this. “Uh- yeah. Anyways, do you need more?”

“Nope. I think I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

She nodded and then left her daughter some privacy. After both were changed and ready to sleep, they got into bed.

It felt strange, but Farah soon fought with tears again as Bloom moved closer to her. It could have been a strange picture, because her girl certainly wasn’t in an age anymore where you cuddle with your parents and share a bed. But for her there couldn’t have been something nicer, something that made her happier.

So she kissed her head and whispered:” Good night Bloom. I love you.”

“Good night Mom”, came the quiet answer, “I love you too.”


	4. Welcome to the family

"Good morning."

Farah huffed. In her eyes it was everything but morning as it was half past eleven. At this time no one should be still in pajama anymore. But it was exactly the way her daughter stood in the doorframe.

Her daughter. Standing there. It was hard to understand that yesterday evening really happened, that she told her and now was together here with her.

"How did you sleep?"

The redhead sat down at the kitchen table and yawned. "Wonderful."

She watched her for a moment than passed her a mug of coffee. "Do you always sleep this long?"

"If I can.", Bloom grinned a little and took a sip, "How long have you been awake?"

"Since seven."

"Oh god.", the teenager groaned and shook her head, "Please don't expect of me to get up at such an unholy time. What have you done until now?"

She shrugged and turned away from the kitchen counter she quickly cleaned to look at her again. Leaning against the counter she crossed her arms and smiled. "Not so much, actually. Cleaned a little, did some paperwork and met with Silva. You know, you have quite a deep sleep. I was scared getting up would wake you, but you didn't even notice when I accidently dropped some books next to you."

"Oh! That explains the mess over there. I wondered where the book suddenly came from."

"I stored them in the closet. 'wanted to bring them in the office but that obviously went wrong."

Bloom nodded and continued to drink her coffee.

For a moment she considered offering her breakfast, but it was soon lunchtime anyways. "If you're hungry and manage to wait half an hour more we could eat together? But then you should return to your friends."

The expression the girl made showed clearly that she already forgot about them. "Shit! I didn't think about them. I hope they don't think I'm dead or something."

"It would be bad if they did." Now that she thought about it, she doubted they would accept her daughter's explanation of just being 'out'. "Do you...do you want to tell them? Because that's completely up to you."

The redhead put down her mug. For a moment she seemed to think before she gave her an answer. "Would it be okay for you if I told them? I mean, would you mind if everyone knew? Because I don't want to embarrass you."

In a way those words hurt. Just like her daughter asking her in the evening if she loved her. And she had no right to feel hurt by it because after all she should be thankful enough that Bloom talked to her and gave her this chance without hating her.

"You could never embarrass me Bloom. You're my daughter." To say that felt hypocritical. How could she stand to her now, to say this after leaving her alone for so long, after lying to her, after not telling her the truth? But the girl didn't seem to care. She smiled a little more at her words and stood up.

"Can I borrow some of your clothes again?"

"Of course you can. Take what you want." She hoped it wasn't an excuse to go through her things. Maybe she should put Saul's stuff away, just until they decided to bring that subject up.

Bloom nodded, finished her coffee, and then got up to get ready.

Farah stayed where she was for a moment, thinking about how lucky she could be for this. For the chance to make everything right again, to fix this. To get to know her girl.

She didn't realize how long she actually continued to stand there, lost in her thoughts, until it was her specialist who cleared his throat. When did he enter the room? But he stood there in the doorframe, carrying pizza cartons, and grinning a little at her. "Are you there? Hello, earth to Farah? I brought us lunch."

"I'm sorry. I was thinking."

"I know. You have this look on your face when you do."

"Mh-hm.", the fairy nodded and watched as he placed the cartons on the table before getting plates. He got three of them, so she realized he expected Bloom to eat with them. It was nice that he did, but she wondered again how this would look like. After all, she couldn't convince her daughter that it was she, who liked to use men's shampoo.

"Is she still sleeping?"

But Farah didn't need to reply, because now the redhead entered the kitchen too, wearing a shirt that wasn't exactly her mothers. It was Saul's. And her specialist already smirked at her, this obvious little sparkle in his eyes. He enjoyed this more than he should.

She didn't like this because sooner or later this subject would come up anyways. Her daughter would ask her after her father, even if she pretended for now to not care about the rest of the story. She knew she did, because that was her nature. Wanting to know things. Especially something as important and personal as her parents and where she comes from. So this couldn't be ignored forever.

"'she' is awake. Is that pizza?", the girl smiled and opened the fridge to get some juice. It was something she liked a lot, the way Bloom managed to feel comfortable around her and her place without any shyness. "I love pizza."

"Everyone does. I didn't know what you would like, so there's margherita, ham and something with grilled vegetables.", Saul smiled at the girl for a moment. It made Farah remember that he would have raised her girl together with her if she hadn't brought her to the humans. He would have been there with her, had her seen grow up too.

"Do you sit down too or...?" His words made her realize she was still standing there, leaning against the counter.

She had been lost again. Thinking too much. And actually she wasn't hungry anymore. Still she sat down with them.

It wasn't hard to miss the looks Bloom gave them as they talked, and she knew that she would have to answer questions now sooner than she wanted to. If there only was someone who could tell her how to do this. Because how would you explain to your daughter that she was created by a spell by your former mentor and lover of the same gender? She didn't know how to. Until then she never really cared to think about the fact that Rosa had been different in many ways than Saul.

Not just was she rather violent and taking while he was gentle and giving, but Rosa had been a woman.

Of course she had thought about it before, but not like right now. She hoped she would be able to answer all the questions her girl had.

"I will go now before the girls call the police or something." She looked up and watched as Bloom stood up with a smile. "Uhm, will I see you later again?"

"Of course Bloom. Whenever you want."

And then her girl left them sitting there.

For a moment there was silence even though she felt that Saul wanted to say something. But he waited and continued to watch her as she played with the untouched piece of pizza that laid on her plate. She just couldn't really get herself to start eating.

"Farah?"

"Mhm?"

"Are you okay? You didn't stay a single word in the last fifteen minutes." There was a concerned look on his face. She didn't want him to think something was wrong.

"I'm sorry. I can't stop overthinking everything."

He moved a little closer to her and grabbed her hands. For some reason that gesture didn't make her feel better, in fact it only encouraged the feeling inside her that this just wasn't right, and she didn't know anymore what to think.

"I understand it's overwhelming. Please don't cry Farah." And again she got more emotional than she wanted to. She didn't even notice it until he said it and hugged her, kept her close. Soon the familiar feeling kicked in again and she felt comfortable again in his arms. "It went so well. Bloom already forgave you; don't you see that? She didn't spend all this time with you because she hates you."

But that was the point. "She shouldn't. She shouldn't forgive me. She should hate me for all the lies and what I made her grow up with."

"Why?", the specialist shook his head, "Because you made sure she was safe and survived? Bullshit Farah. Of course everything will need more time, but it will be okay. I promise you."

As always, he managed to make her become calm again. With the back of her hand she wiped the tears away and moved so she could sit down on his lap and he didn't need to kneel beside her chair.

"I'm so confused Saul. I'm feeling so much. I don't even know where to start thinking." It was as if someone opened way too many pages in her head and she wanted to read them all at the same time; lots of words and sentences and pictures, everything getting mixed up leaving her without understanding what was going on. "She will ask so many things. And I don't know how to answer them."

He kissed her temple. So gently it made her want to cry again for all this love he showed her. For all the time he waited and stayed with her and comforted her. "Do you want me to help you answer her questions?"

Farah bite her lips. He knew everything as good as she did. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"You won't. I offered it."

"But how would you explain this to her? Why you know all this? She already found some of your things. And I don't know what to tell her." How would you explain your daughter that your preferences are toxic relationships with women and fucking with your best friend to feel some love?

Saul knew what she thought about. They spend just too many years together as that he didn't. "We don't need to tell her. I think that is just between us."

"Yes, but what is it Saul? What are we?"

He sighed. They never had this conversation because it had never been needed. They knew where they were and what was expected of each other, no more boundaries than the ones already existing. There wasn't any need for addressing something that seemed so natural inside of their relationship. "What we've always been."

She huffed. "Yeah? I don't think this will count as an explanation."

The specialist shook his head and held her a little tighter. "Maybe we shouldn't plan this. You don't know how and what she's going to ask. And I will stay as long as you want me to and help you, okay?"

How could she even deserve a man like him?

"Thank you, Saul."

"Don't. I love you."

*

Terra was the first person Bloom told about it. She didn't know how to bring up the subject in front of all her friends and didn't know if she could. Not that the brunette girl would be her first choice in telling a secret, it wouldn't stay one long with her anyways, but she knew she grew up around here and would maybe be able to talk with her better about it than the others.

When she had been in her mother's rooms – it was hard to address her as this. It felt strange and new, but at the same time cozy and warm. Like part of her was better now, more complete than before getting that piece of information – she has seen a few pictures of her together with a little girl she could swear had been a younger Terra with a huge gap in her mouth where teeth were missing.

For a moment it made her jealous, to think that her friend grew up around her while she didn't get the chance to. But she knew she couldn't blame Farah, because everything she did seemed to be well thought of and never senseless. It would just take some time more until she would know why it had been like this, why she didn't get the chance to grow up with her real family.

So now she sat there, finishing explaining what has happened since she left in the afternoon of the previous day.

And Terra seemed to be more shocked and surprised than she herself has been.

"So you're really- is she sure?", even after asking for the fifth time the brunette couldn't really get over the fact that it must be true.

The redhead grinned:" She won't get rid of me either way. I'm pretty sure she already made some space in her closet for some of my stuff."

"I can't believe this.", Terra watched her closely as if she tried to find some hints for her friend's word to make sure it was really true, "You don't look like her."

"Uh- well, then I maybe look like my father?" Bloom frowned. A father hasn't been mentioned the whole time even though it seemed to be just as important as knowing about her mother. But she hasn't seen any sign of a man in pictures, or items in the room. Except- "Terra? You grew up here. You know her more than I do. Is she like- is she married or something? Or was she? Or...I don't know. What about a boyfriend?"

"In case you're asking if I know who your father is...I don't. I have absolutely no idea. I didn't know she ever...you know. Had someone. I have never seen her with a man. But I thought it was because...you know..."

"I don't. Because?" It didn't surprise her much that Terra didn't know. Terra wasn't much older than her and couldn't have remembered her. Maybe she should just go ask her mother, she promised her to answer everything. It would be easier than gossiping here and speculating. And still she was interested in what her friend had to say.

Terra blushed and seemed to look for words.

"So?"

"Well...", the brunette started, "...I thought it was because, uhm, Auntie Farah didn't seem to be into them."

"Into what? Men?" Bloom suddenly thought about the shampoo and the clothing. In fact until know she considered them being maybe Mr. Silva's, she just couldn't believe there was nothing between them. In her eyes it had been suspicious at the moment he walked into her mother's rooms asking as if everything was alright. Or when he brought pizza at the next day and ate with them as if nothing were different than usual.

"...I mean, she never said it or so and I have never really seen her together with someone, but I have once found some of her books. I didn't understand it until I was older a little, but they weren't exactly about a heterosexual relationship. And there's this picture of her and a girl from her time in Alfea so I just thought...you know. I asked my dad once and he stopped the subject as soon as it came up." Terra got into her flow of talking and she listened, trying to follow the words and the hints. Maybe it did make sense. But maybe not.

In the end she would have to ask. "Oh well...but still. I mean- I don't come from nowhere, right?"

"No, obviously not.", the slightly older girl grinned a little, "But you know this makes you more part of the family, you know? If things had been different, we would have grown up here together."

"Yeah..." It would be a long list of questions she had towards her mother. Because actually she knew nothing. She knew nothing more than the simple fact that Farah Dowling was her mother. "Could you do me a favor? Please don't tell the others. Not now, I want more answers before I do that. This is so overwhelming and confusing; I think I need the time until I completely understand it before everyone here makes up their own theories again." It was enough that Terra made her think about her mother being a lesbian. Not that she would mind, but the thought was somehow strange.

"I will try to."

More than she could hope for.

"I think I will go back to her now. If someone asks-"

"You're out again?", Terra gave her a grin.

"Exactly. I will try to be back sooner this time."


	5. A dark story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is one of my worst chapters, I just don't manage to express everything how I would like to. But as I don't want you to wait longer than necessary I decided to post it :3

Bloom was back even sooner than she imagined. She knew it wouldn’t last long until they would have to talk again, and she figured it would be better this way anyways.

When she entered the living room, she found her girl sitting there, lost in the book she started reading in the previous day. It already felt as if that had been long ago, as if she already had lots of time to spend with her. But in fact it’s been just a few hours.

“Hey.”

The redhead looked up and smiled:” I didn’t know when you would be back, I hope it’s okay that I just came in. Did you modify the spell? Because the door just opened when I wanted to come inside.”

“Uh, yeah. I did. You’re always welcome here, so why not.” After taking off her shoes she sat down next to her. There was no reason why she shouldn’t be able to come in whenever she wants to. “How was your day?”

“It was alright. I uhm, I told Terra?”

“That’s okay. As I said I don’t mind.” She wondered why Bloom didn’t tell the others as well. She spent weeks looking for answers and now that she had some, she didn’t share them with everyone. But that wasn’t her decision to make so she nodded and moved a little closer to her, to wrap her arm around her. It shouldn’t make her feel this shy and unsure, but it did, because she didn’t know how her girl could react.

But Bloom just smiled and moved closer as well, rested her head against her chest with a soft sigh. “Mom?”

To be called that made her tear up. “Yes Sweetheart?”

“Do we…have family?”

The way she asked made her wish they had. “No. We don’t.”

“Can you tell me something? Just if you want to.”

Farah didn’t. After all these years the thought of her family still hurt. But her daughter asked her, and she couldn’t deny her question to be answered. “I uhm, well, it’s not a very happy story. I was five when my mother died. She was killed by burned ones. It wasn’t unusual to lose your loved ones this way at that time.” And still all the loss seems to be so immense. “I had two little brothers. Twins, just little infants when my mother passed. I…I had to care for them. Especially when my father then was killed either. I was around thirteen at that time.”

Bloom shifted. She felt how her daughter regretted having asked. “I’m so sorry. What…what happened to them?”

She sighed. She shouldn’t let this come so close to her heart again. All this happened so long ago. “Their names were Jeremiah and Reid. I…I couldn’t protect them.” In her mind it looked different. She still blamed herself for it, for not having been in control of her magic, for not being able to protect the little boys who had been too young to do something.

“It’s not your fault Mom.” The girl looked at her with a soft expression on her face. She wondered how she could know so well what she thought.

“I never said it was.”

“But you think it, don’t you?”

Bloom probably understood it pretty well. After all she nearly experienced something similar when she had set the fire in her parent’s home. When she nearly killed the woman who had raised her.

“…sometimes I do. It’s hard not to when your only responsibility has been what was left of your family and you failed. But that’s been long ago. It’s okay.”

The redhead nodded and rested back against her. The way she hugged her told Farah that she was still sorry for having asked.

“It’s fine to ask me questions Bloom. But I’ll be honest with you, if you expect nice stories from the past, I’m probably the wrong person. I can’t give you many happy things. My life has never been very joyful.” She wished it had been. But if it had she wouldn’t need to have this conversation now. She probably would have never had Bloom , or at least kept her, raised her. Depending on the circumstances.

“Did you want me?”

How should she answer this? She promised to say the truth and still she couldn’t. Farah didn’t know it. “I-“ It would be easier to say she did. Because it was what Bloom wished to hear. She wished to get confirmation. But she didn’t know how to give her that.

“…it’s okay. I just…I don’t understand it. Not really.”

The older woman took a deep breath. “What do you want to know?”

“Who is my father?”

They came to the point sooner than she wished to. It felt too early. And now she wished Saul were here to help her explain this. But his presence would probably just make everything even harder than it was.

“I…this isn’t so easy to answer Bloom.”

“Why isn’t it?” There was a tumult in the teenager’s mind. Farah wished she could block it off more but the girl being her daughter made it even harder. It was as if there was a channel open in her mind, ready to receive feelings that weren’t hers. And still she couldn’t get rid of them. “It’s an easy question.”

“Yes. It actually is. But not in this case.”

“Why?” It was clear that Bloom didn’t understand. Normally yes, this would be a very easy question. Everyone had a father. But not here. She couldn’t point at someone and say, ‘it’s him’, because here’s no ‘him’. “Is it Mr. Silva?”

She closed her eyes. “No.”

“But there’s something between you?”

“Sort of.” This would sum it up pretty much.

The red-haired girl watched her for a moment. “Why don’t you tell me who it is Mom? Don’t you know who it is?”

She couldn’t lie longer. She wished they could talk about this another day, but now they were here. So she had to face it. She couldn’t run away longer. “I once fell in love with someone.”

The slight anger in those blue eyes that were a copy of Rosa’s vanished and she looked at her with interest, realizing she started to explain now.

“I loved that person very much. But it wasn’t returned. Not at all. I…I got hurt pretty much Bloom.”

She sensed that Bloom didn’t like the direction this took. She moved and sat up. “Did he hurt you?”

“I…it’s so complicated.”

“Do I know him?”

Farah didn’t want to speak about it any longer. She couldn’t. Tears threatened her eyes and she bite her lips. After all this time Rosa still managed to make her hate herself for all this. “You do. But it’s not a ‘him’.”

Bloom stared at her for a long moment. And she didn’t know how but her girl managed to put some more pieces together and understand her better than she expected to. “Rosalind.”

“Yes.”

“But how…I mean…she- she’s…”

Farah started crying. This should be easier. But she remembered everything so clearly. Those hands she wished that would be soft and gentle, show her love, not hurt her. Those hands that in the end hurt her the most. She wished for a world in which Rosa loved her and was nice. Was not dead. Was with her. She would have done everything for her.

They could have had a home, a family. A real family. She would have loved raising children together with Rosa.

But Rosa just used her. Rosa hurt her willingly because she was nothing to her.

“Mom?”

She felt sick. But she had to keep herself together. So she wiped the tears away and continued. “I loved her so much. But she was manipulative and just hurt me. One day she and I went through old books and found this spell. To explain it easy; it basically takes two powers and creates a third. It works different in everyone but…I-I…she forced it on me. I never wanted that to happen. I hated it.” And she didn’t realize the full impact of her words until Bloom started to cry too.

She shouldn’t have said that. Making her daughter feel unwanted was the last thing she intended. “I’m sorry Bloom. Please don’t cry.” If she only knew what to do. She had never been very good with children, not like she wanted to. Whenever little Sky, or Terra or Sam where sad she was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to do. But they always liked a hug. So slowly she wrapped her arms again around her girl and kissed her head. “I love you Bloom. I’m sorry for having said it like this. Please don’t think I didn’t want you.”

It was easy to think so. She sent her away. And after those words she was lucky if her daughter didn’t believe it was because she hated her.

“I love you so much Bloom. And if things had been different, I would have loved to raise you, to see you grow up. But I was scared. I thought if Rosalind managed to break free, she would hurt you. I had so much to think about, so many things to care for I just didn’t manage it.”

The sobbing of her girl didn’t calm down. But she still stayed where she was, clinging to her mother tightly. And many minutes must have passed until she said something. “I’m sorry Mom. I’m so sorry. I…I wish I didn’t ask.”

Farah closed her eyes for a moment. “No. You needed to ask. I’m just so sorry I told you like this. I don’t want to make you feel unwanted.” With the back of her hand she wiped the tears out of her girl’s face. “I will do everything for you. Believe me. I…I made sure she will never hurt you. Never manipulate you. I promise you from now on it will be okay.”

“How? Did you lock her away again?” The redhead looked up at her and moved a little away so she could sit up straighter.

“No. I killed her.” Bloom didn’t need to know more. It was cruel enough this way. “I’m sorry. But trust me, she didn’t love you. She could have never. Rosalind didn’t care about anyone but herself.” She knew that just too well. And Rosa would have pretended everything, told her girl everything, just to get to something she wants. “I’m sorry it has to be this way. I’m sorry I can’t offer you more than that.”

In a perfect world she would have been able to. And to feel the doubt inside her daughter’s heart hurt her. To be able to get to know all those different emotions that were stuck in her girl’s head.

“I didn’t lie when I said I love you Bloom. I love you so much. Not a single day went by without wishing to have you with me. I know everything could have been so different. But it just wasn’t possible.”

She felt helpless watching her girl cry, seeing how much all this hurt her. But sooner or later they would have come to this anyways. It was part of the story. And she promised not to lie. To stick with the bitter truth. It was nothing more but a pretty dark story. There never was much light in it.

“Mom-“

“Ssshhh. I’m here.”, she pulled her closer and kissed her head. At least Bloom stayed and allowed her to hold her. “I’m sorry. I promise you to be everything you need. I promise it. I love you so much, you don’t need her. No one does. I will do everything for you.” Just like I always did, she added silently and remembered Rosa’s neck breaking, the sound she made when her lifeless body hit the floor, the smell of the fire making her body melt.

*

Bloom cried herself to sleep in her arms and Farah stayed with her the whole time. It was a lot to process. And she couldn’t blame her for acting this way because if it had been her who needed to listen to this story, she would have lost much more control than some tears.

If it weren’t for Saul who entered the rooms some time later, she would have stayed there, just holding her daughter. Very gently he picked the sleeping girl up and carried her to the bedroom. She wasn’t surprised that the redhead didn’t wake up by this.

Just a moment later he was back, a soft expression on his face. He sensed what they must have talked about.

“Are you okay?”

Her heart filled with this soft feeling of affection at his words. He was so gentle with her. “Do you think she will hate me?”

He shook his head and sat down next to her. His hands found her waist and pulled her closer. “Why would you think so?”

“I told her everything Saul. I said it without thinking. I told her I didn’t want her. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want her to think I don’t love her.” How could she ever not love her? How should she ever hate this little thing that grew inside of her and was part of herself, being there or not? It wasn’t possible. No matter the circumstances of how she was created. “I love her so much Saul. I don’t want her to hate me.”

“And she won’t Fa. She won’t. I’m sure.”, he kissed her temple and cupped her face, “If she hated you, she wouldn’t have stayed. I think she is the kind of person to show people exactly what she feels. Must have that from you.”

His words caused her to roll with the eyes. “I don’t show people what I feel.”

“Who screamed at Luna?” He got her with that.

“Yeah yeah, I know. It was me. Sorry not sorry. This bitch sometimes needs to hear my honest opinion.” She missed talking like this with him. Talking about something else than pain and sorrows and sad, depressed feelings. “Are you hungry?”

“Not if you cooked.”

Why did everyone have to bully her for that? “You know, I think my pasta is delicious.”

“Your pesto is. But putting basil, oil, parmesan, and some pine nuts in a mixer isn’t hard.”

That was true too. “Anyways, I didn’t cook. I wanted to do that with Bloom…but we obviously didn’t find the time for that.”

The specialist nodded and kissed her temple one last time before the grip around her hips went away and he gently made her move so he could get up and walk to the kitchen. She was about to follow him, but he quickly shock his head. “Stay where you are. Relax, you look a little pale.”

“…charming.”

“Just for you my love.”

With an eyerolling she leaned back against the couch and reached for the remote controller. Maybe there was a movie or something that would help her forget everything for some time.

*

When she woke up, she wasn’t in her mother’s arms anymore. It was dark and she felt a blanket wrapped around her body. Soon an already familiar smell met her; sweet and soft, reminding her of a warm summer day outside, and she realized she laid in Farah’s bed.

Her head pounded and she wondered if she could find some aspirin in the kitchen. And as there was only one way to find out she picked up her phone and turned the flashlight on. While doing so she realized it wasn’t as late as she thought it was, it wasn’t even midnight yet. And when she opened the door, she heard the soft noises of a turned on tv.

“Mom?”

Her headache was forgotten when she stepped into the living room. It was dark there, the only source of light being the tv.

And on the sofa laid her mother, resting against Mr. Silva, both asleep.

Carefully not to wake them she got on the free side of her mother and rested her head against her side. She only wanted to be with her in that moment, wanted to feel the love that rushed over her when she was near her.

After a short moment a hand gently touched her hair. She looked up and met brown eyes softly looking at her.

But Bloom didn’t know what to say so she just cuddled up closer to her and closed her eyes. They probably would regret staying there like this in the morning but for now it felt right. It made her wish again she could have had this earlier.


	6. First time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but for some reason it was so hard to write this chapter. I hope it's still alright :3 If not please don't hate me for fucking this up

Something pressed into his ribs made him wake up from the dream he had. It's been a nice one, soft and light. One in which things were different; nicer, less brutal than things usually were because life just played this way. And in the middle of it was Farah. A smile on her face, happier than he has seen it in a long time. A smile that was just like the one he had seen when his eyes fell on her for the very first time. She had worn her hair down, curls much darker than they were now, and they fell long over a yellow dress that reached until her knees.

But it was a dream. And Saul still wouldn't trade it for reality.

Because in reality it was Farah who had her arm resting in his side. She was still sleeping. And when he tried to move, he realized why something felt different: it wasn't just them laying there.

Pressed against the body of his partner laid a certain redhead. Both still sleeping deeply.

Knowing it would be something Farah would like to remember he shifted carefully, trying to move as less as possible as he tried to get his phone out of his pocket. Seeing the two women sleeping like this was just worth more than a picture. And after several attempts he managed to take a good one which he would print later and place somewhere where she could see it.

As soon as he was done doing so, he relaxed again and looked around as if he would suddenly get an idea on what to do. Until after some time he noticed a movement in the corner of his eyes. It was Bloom who lifted her head and looked around. She saw that he was awake too and then looked at her mother.

It was clear that she had to suppress laughing.

It was an awkward situation and neither of them really knew what to do. Especially with the sleeping woman laying between them in a way that wouldn't allow them to move too much. But it was seldom that she slept this long so he wanted her to continue sleeping as long as they would manage to stay there like this.

And that would have worked if it weren't for the girl's sudden giggle that made Farah open her eyes.

"Hm?"

Bloom just laughed more. And Saul couldn't help it but to join her. It all just felt so natural and familiar as if they didn’t know something else.

"Uh- did I miss something?", the older fairy yawned and wiped a lose strand of hair out of her face. In his eyes she never looked more beautiful than like this, with her hair messy, some makeup under her eyes and wearing one of his shirts and trousers. "Why are we group-cuddling here?"

The red-haired girl grinned at her and finally sat up so they all could move. "I was lonely yesterday evening, so I decided to join you two here."

"Oh? Well in that case.", Farah now sat up too and rubbed her eyes, only making the mess her mascara already left worse. "How late is it?"

"Nine.", Saul answered before the girl managed to get to her phone that seemed to be stuck in the pocket of her trousers. He wondered if he had ever seen the woman he loved so much sleeping this long. It was a blessing if she didn't wake him before seven, especially on days where they could have the chance to sleep. The concept of weekend seemed to be alien to her. "Slept well?"

She grimaced as she rubbed her back. "We are too old to sleep on the couch."

"That's what you said.", he smirked and made her turn around so he could run his hands over her back. Both didn't really notice the way the teenage girl looked up from her phone for a moment to watch them. "Better now?" Her back actually did feel a little tense. And to be honest his hurt a little as well, even though he wouldn’t admit that.

"Yes. Thank you." He watched as she closed her eyes and leaned a little more against him. Happy that she did he continued to massage her back.

"You're welcome."

Some minutes passed in which no one wanted to move. Bloom was still captured by her phone, only looking up once in a while as if she needed to assure herself that they were still there. Actually he had expected her to be less comfortable, especially if he was there too, but she didn't seem to bother. After all she joined them in the evening without hesitating as it looked like.

Farah had her head resting now against his shoulder, obviously on the edge of falling asleep again. Deciding it wouldn't hurt her to sleep he didn't comment it and just continued to rub her back until she had her eyes closed again, leaning heavily on him.

Carefully not to wake her up again he moved her, so she leaned against the couch and not on him and gave the red-haired girl the sign to follow him in the kitchen.

*

"Don't tell her but this is better than everything she managed to cook."

Bloom grinned slowly as she took a bite of the pancakes Mr. Silva – Saul. He had told her to call him Saul – had placed before her. Until now she didn't get often yet the chance to taste something her mother cooked, but from what she did she could tell it was horrible.

The man sitting across her at the table returned her grin slowly and nodded. "I know. Be happy if you never have to taste her lasagna. I can't believe someone manages to make that wrong."

If possible, she grinned a little wider and reached for the Nutella jar. It was something she definitely could imagine. It was amusing to know that even someone like her mother had things she couldn't do, even if it was just something as simple as cooking.

Noticing she forgot a knife after opening the jar she got up, but Saul already pushed one over the table in her direction. Thankfully, she took it and used it to put some of the chocolate cream on her pancakes.

Taking a bite from one she looked up and watched him for a moment, suddenly thinking how strange this actually was. He was even more a stranger than Farah, just one of the teachers. And not even her teacher. But she felt not any less comfortable around him as around her mother, and if she managed it around her without really knowing her, then why not around him? From what she has seen until now they both were very close. Maybe she didn't fully understand yet the nature of their relationship, but it was something that seemed to be built on trust and a good friendship, so she decided she could trust him as well as her.

But that didn't make it less awkward. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course.", he gave her a friendly and assuring smile, "Ask me what you want."

He wouldn't offer her that without liking her in at least some way. He wouldn't have offered her to call him by the first name or had cooked breakfast for her if he disliked her. Or if he didn't want her to feel more comfortable.

After all they spent a whole night sleeping more or less cuddling on a couch, even if he only realized that in the morning.

"Mom said it is complicated between you two. What does that mean? Do you love her?" Her questions came ruder out of her mouth than she wanted to, but he didn't seem to care much about it. Still she could slap herself for it.

"I do. I love your mother very much." She already expected this answer. Just the way he looked at her said enough. It made her wonder why it was so complicated.

"Does she love you?"

At this he looked away. "I don't know if you should ask me this Bloom."

His reaction seemed unsure, as if he didn’t know it himself. She wondered if this was why it was complicated. Because he didn’t know, and maybe her mother didn’t know either. It would explain it. But her mother had said that there was something between them, so she must feel at least something, mustn’t she?

"You said I could ask you whatever I want." Even in her own ears she sounded like a child now. "I just would like to understand it. She said it is complicated and that made me wonder. You're just always together and seem to know what the other things or feels." It was something she noticed after watching them for just a short time.

"Well...yes; it is complicated. But I don't know if it should concern you." His tone was still friendly but a little firmer than before and Bloom understood that now maybe wasn't the right time for these questions. Because actually he was right, it didn't concern her. Or it shouldn't. Because it was their private thing, nothing that she should care about. Maybe he needed to talk to her mother first before he could tell her. Or maybe she would have to ask her again herself.

"You...you wouldn't hurt her, right?"

The specialist shook his head quickly. "Never Bloom. Your mother means the world to me and I would rather stab myself than hurting her or letting her get hurt."

*

Bloom left silently a few minutes after she finished her breakfast. He stayed for a while longer in the kitchen and cleaned up, made sure everything was tidy enough for Farah and her meticulous wishes to have her rooms clean enough to eat from the floor. (Even though that didn't appeal for her office which was always a huge mess.)

As soon as he was sure everything was perfectly clean, he left the room to go back to where he had left a sleeping Farah some time ago.

Much to his surprise he found her still laying on the couch, her eyes closed and her chest rising with each steady breath she took.

Wondering what it was today that made her sleep this effortlessly he sat down next to her and gently brushed her hand over her forehead, just to make sure. Maybe it was just her daughter's presence that had made her this calm. Of course Saul knew how much it meant for Farah, how could he not? She might have not always showed it, but it had hurt her every day to not be with her daughter. And he had always tried to help her in every way she needed but this was something he knew he could never make alright.

To know the two women finally had each other was a bliss. Maybe it would help his fairy to get better, at least a little. It was time for everything to heal, she had lived with everything too long now. But also, he understood that it would still be hard. It's been just some time since she killed Rosalind. Barely over a week. And he knew he couldn't expect her to get over that soon, or even easily. But she already did great.

His thoughts were interrupted by her as she turned on her side and moved closer to him. He knew she soon would wake up.

"Farah?"

A little confused she opened her eyes and looked around. "Where's Bloom?" It warmed his heart in a way that the girl was the first she asked about.

"She left a few minutes ago." He helped her get into a sitting position, his hand still resting on her back. "Are you okay? You slept long. It's late." Maybe not really but for someone like Farah definately.

She huffed. "Am I not allowed to sleep long?"

"You certainly are. I just wondered."

With a shrug she moved closer to him and rested her head against his chest. It surprised him a little if he was honest, because usually it was him to make the first move of any kind of physical contact. Not that she was shy about it, because she actually wasn't. It just seemed to have established like this over the time.

And he wasn't stupid, he knew she sometimes must be doing things more for him than for her. But he knew she would tell him if it was too much.

"Bloom asked me about us."

"She did?" Farah didn't sound surprised. Instead she just moved a little closer and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"She asked me if I love you. And if you love me. And then she made sure I would never hurt you." The specialist gently placed a kiss on top of her head. In that moment she just seemed to need some tender attention. "She's a sweet girl."

He tried not to think too much about the fact that in another life he might have raised her together with the fairy he held. It was easier to ignore that part of the story because he knew saying it would only upset her. And because he didn’t have the right to even think this way.

Farah nodded. "She is."

"You know I would never hurt you, right Farah?" He knew she knew it. Still he had to ask.

"Of course I do."

"Good. Because I would never. I hate seeing you in pain." There was nothing he hated more than that. His priority was to keep her safe and happy. Even those seldom times when she practically would beg him to hurt her, he would hesitate and wish she didn't need it, because it hurt him to hurt her. And still he would do it because he knew it was what she sometimes needed him to do. It was at least better than many other ways he knew she had found over the years to process. "Do you want to get up or sleep another round...?"

She laughed softly at this. "No. I think I slept long enough. Is there something specific you would like to do?"

"Do you want to go out?" Probably not. She would most likely find an excuse to head to her office and work. Not that he would allow it today. "We could go watch a movie?"

"...I refuse to watch something stupid again."

"Hey! It wasn't stupid- You know what; this time I let you decide. I will watch whatever you want." That probably was his death sentence. But she immediately nodded.

"Sounds fair."

*

It was late in the evening when they made their way back. Farah wouldn't admit it, but it has actually been very nice. She had never been a person who liked to go out, not even when she was younger, but going in the cinema with Saul was somehow calming and made her feel like they had no troubles in their lives. No changings or anything else she needed to worry about.

But if she was completely honest she just wanted to go home again. Because there would be her daughter. And she could finally be with her.

For a moment she wondered if Bloom would be in her rooms again when they got back. Not that it would matter, because soon she realized they weren't going to hers. Saul led them to his. And she knew what it meant. In fact it amused her.

"Are you trying to seduce me dear Saul?" Today she decided she wouldn't mind.

"No."

But his hands that found her hips and pushed her against the wall told her something else. And maybe for the first time in nearly twenty years she didn't think about Rosalind when he kissed her softly and pulled on the zipper of her dress.


	7. His comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys all for your lovely comments and honest opinions! I try all the time to write it better for you :3 I also appreciate all the scene wishes and will try to use them over the chapters! <3

It was early when she left his rooms. The floors laid still dark before her as at this time no one was usually around anyways. Or at least no one should be around. Using the flashlight of her phone she made her way back down the hall to her own rooms where she could take a shower and might have some breakfast before starting with her work. In case her daughter wanted to see her later she would like to be finished with the things she had to do. Besides, she hated doing nothing. And as she was awake she could do as well something useful.

She realized that something was wrong when she opened the doors to her room. Turning on the light she took off her shoes and started to check through the rooms. The window in the living room was open and she already prepared herself for facing a group of students having managed to climb in there and looking for something, but soon she found out that it was her daughter laying in her bed.

The light on her nightstand was still turned on and a book laid on her chest. She must have waited for her in the evening and fallen asleep when she didn’t arrive.

Knowing now she had a deep sleep she put the book away, covered her with the blanket and turned off the light. It was way too early for the girl to get up. She would wake her in a few hours as it was Monday, and she would have to go to a class. But it was still enough time until then.

After picking up some clothes from her closet she went out of the room, closing the door as silently as possible to go to the bathroom and take a shower.

*

Bloom woke up to the sound of the coffee machine grinding coffee beans. The smell of bacon hit her as soon as she sat up and realized she was still in her mothers room. She had fallen asleep there. And for a moment she felt bad about it, because she was actually too old for something like that. And it’s been just some days since she even found out. But something inside her had just the need to be with her now that she found her and so she went there.

She wondered when Farah arrived, as it must have been late already when she fell asleep.

“Hey.”

“Bloom.” Her mother smiled at her friendly. She stood in the kitchen making breakfast, already wearing clothes that told her she wasn’t in the weekend mode anymore.

“Did you already start to work? It’s early.”

“Yes.”

She wondered if she never spend her morning like normal people; just sitting there in comfortable clothes, having coffee, and not wanting to do something. After a moment her mother handed her a plate with toast and bacon. “I could have helped you. Why didn’t you wake me?”, she sat down. “When did you come back by the way? I wanted to wait for you but fell asleep then.”

Farah followed her a moment later. “I wanted to let you sleep. I know you and Saul think I’m a terrible cook, but even I manage toast and bacon.”

The girl huffed sarcastically.

Obviously ignoring that the older woman continued:”…and to answer your last question, I uhm, I came home in the morning.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are we admitting something?”

“Shush. I don’t need to justify myself in front of you.” Her mother’s tone was firm, but she saw the amused sparkle in her eyes. It was good to know that behind this seemingly cold façade was someone lighter, someone who she could actually talk to and have fun with. Against everything she expected to feel it felt so normal and cosy. As if she had never known something else than the woman before her.

“No. You certainly don’t.”, Bloom grinned a little at herself and took a bite of the toast. “Mom?”

“Hmmm?”

There were still a few things going on in her mind unanswered. At least not really. And maybe she would get them over the time if she waited and studied her more if she gave it more time to find out without asking. But she learned so much over the last days that it felt as if she needed to understand her now, as if she had to catch up with the time. “Do you love Mr. Silva?”

And again there was this silence that had already met her when she asked him about it. Maybe he had been right, and she just shouldn’t ask. It was their life, not hers. But she would like to understand. Knowing how she was created made her question it.

Since her conversation with Terra she couldn’t get the thought of it out of her head and Rosalind being her mother just added more to it. But then again Farah had this thing with the specialist. So did that mean she just liked both?

“Mom?”

Her mother sighed. “I don’t know.” At least she was honest.

“Is it…okay if I ask these things?” She wasn’t so sure anymore. And it wasn’t her intention to make her angry or upset her with this.

“Yes. Of course. I am your mother, and you should get to know me.”, she smiled a little. The smile seemed somehow sad and wrong. “But I don’t know if I can answer that question. I would if I knew what to say, but I don’t.”

That didn’t help her. “But he loves you.”

“Yes. He does.” From her tone she knew it was a simple statement as if she just said the weather was bad.

But then why was she with him if everything spoke for her not sharing his feelings? Did she just not share them, or didn’t she know how she felt? Because from what Bloom has seen the two were so close. More than close. And didn’t her mother say a moment ago she returned late? Where else would she have been than with him? But then again there was Rosalind. And the things Terra had mentioned after she told her from Farah being her mother.

“Mom, are you gay?” The words came over the lips of the redhead before she could really think about them.

Now that the words were spoken she realized how rude they were. That you probably shouldn’t ask a person you barely knew, a person who you just found out was your mother, a question like that. And she found herself lucky that the older woman didn’t seem to leave her sitting there.

Instead she took a deep breath.

*

Bloom’s question made her feel uneasy. Hearing the words spoken out loud made her feel as if it were wrong, as if she should deny what seemed to be true and instead go for a lie. But was it even something she could deny? Could she deny something that maybe wasn’t true?

Her feelings for Saul have always been complicated. But so have her feelings for Rosalind been. Still she knew it was different. Maybe it was just because between the two will forever be a difference, just in so many ways.

It felt as if she just couldn’t know it better than she did. For someone her age she was too inexperienced, she didn’t know if she could even label herself because Rosalind and Saul had been all she ever got to feel from love, or attraction in any way. So did that mean she just liked both? Or did it not? But if she loved both, then why didn’t it feel the same?

“I…I don’t know Bloom.” Talking about this with her daughter was uncomfortable. Not because of the subject, that itself seemed natural to her. Why shouldn’t the girl know about things like that? Sooner or later she would have to anyways. That wasn’t what made this feel strange. It rather was her lack of answers, the confusion in her own mind about it. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Until now her daughter never mentioned a word about Rosalind again. She didn’t tell her what she thought about that, or how she felt.

Farah knew it had hurt her in a way, the sobbing of her girl after she told her everything and the way she had held her told it all, but that has been it. And she didn’t know if it was because she had been overwhelmed by everything or if there was something else.

Bloom shook her head quickly:” No. I absolutely don’t care. I’m really sorry if this is something you don’t want to talk about. This actually isn’t something I need to know.”

“No…I…- you have two mothers Bloom. I think it’s normal you ask me this. I guess…I guess I like both?” That seemed to be fitting. At least for now. And it would be a better answer than just ‘I don’t know’. “In case I make up my mind suddenly I’ll tell you.” This was just slightly sarcastic and caused the red-haired girl to laugh and by that cough out her toast. It was a little ugly, to be honest.

Grinning a little she looked at the clock. “Eat up. You should get ready for class.”

She knew the wish from her daughter to talk more wasn’t fulfilled yet.

“Don’t look at me like that. We can talk later again, we have plenty of time for that.”

A little grumpily the teenager stood up and put her plate in the sink.

The older woman saw already a playful smile on her daughters face. “Hm?”

“What would you do if I’d call you ‘Mom’ in class?”

She returned the grin and raised her head a little. “Give you house arrest until the end of the year. Now go, before the whole school wakes up and sees you leaving my rooms. I don’t want to have to explain that.”

*

It probably was the twentieth time they saw her looking at her phone. And to be honest she was already annoyed at herself. So sighing she put it away, hoping she wouldn’t look at it again in a couple of seconds.

Both Saul and Ben grinned at her. Farah knew she had missed answering some questions by them and smiled apologizing. “I’m sorry. I was-“

“Starring in your phone like an addicted teenager? We noticed.”, the specialist took the phone from where it laid on her tights, “Do I really have to take it away to get you to talk to us?”

He looked at her with this daring, playful smile. But she didn’t want to give in and fight for her phone. She wasn’t in the mood for it and didn’t allow him to make her make a fool out of herself today. “Keep it. But tell me if she-“

“Yeah, yeah. I know. If Bloom texts you.” He made it sound stupid, even though she knew he didn’t mean to. It was already half past five in the afternoon and she still didn’t hear anything from her. Before their ways parted in the morning she gave her daughter her number so she could text her and tell her when she wanted to be with her again as she didn’t know how long she would be busy with work. But there was nothing yet.

She wondered why it was that she felt the need now to be with her so often. After all she managed it so long. Maybe that was exactly why it was like this now because she was so long not near her, without the possibility of holding her and talking to her. And now she was, now all this was so close. Everything was so possible. And the pain that seemed to be stuck in her heart eased with every new day.

It wasn’t as hurtful anymore because she knew she could heal a little now. She could allow herself to now.

“…are you listening to a single word we’re saying?”

Farah sighed. Ben caught her. She still didn’t listen. “I’m sorry. I’m thinking.” She hated herself for being so distant lately, especially around them. But it wasn’t easy to not lose herself in her thoughts. “Would you mind if I left you alone? I have a headache.” It wasn’t even lied. Her head was pounding. She blamed the lack of sleep she had lately more than usual for it.

Not really waiting for a response she took her phone back and stood up. Saul’s eyes were on her and an asking look was in his eyes, but she shook her head a little to show him she wanted to go alone. Having him around would probably not make it better now. Maybe if she were on her own for at least some time she could manage to come to terms with her thoughts and focus on something else for some time.

But it didn’t work. Half past eight she still sat in the living room, the book she could have finished in that time unopened on her lap, her phone next to her, anxiously waiting for some sign of her daughter.

She wondered if it was normal to feel this way, to feel alone now when she wasn’t around, to feel as if she needed her around constantly.

And again she questioned herself. If she would be enough. If she would do things right, how she should do them. If she ever could make up for all the decisions she made in the past.

Thinking about it made her think about Rosa again. She tried to not let it come too close to her heart but still it brought tears to her eyes. Remembering everything still hurt. And knowing she was dead, that she killed her, hurt even more. Because she could never hope for her again, no matter how much she knew she shouldn’t anyways.

It probably was just too early. No matter how often she told herself that it was time to get on.

For the sake of the people around her she had to forget it, or at least bury it deep enough in her mind to prevent herself from hurting them because she went on distance again, or because she started to let her emotions out on them.

Especially Saul and her daughter didn’t deserve it. Both were more than she could wish for and she had to cherish it.

But the tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t stop them. It somehow made her feel weak. And in her mind she already heard Rosa screaming at her. Rosa hurting her for being like this. Until she remembered that Rosa couldn’t hurt her. For some reason that just made it worse.

Not knowing what to do she hugged the uncomfortable but decoratively important glitter pillow, pressed it tight to her body.

Farah knew how pitiful she looked. Rosa would have told her. She would have kicked her out of her own room if she had done something like that. She would have made her go for a walk or slapped her, or just done anything to make her stop. And she would have allowed it. Because she loved Rosa.

‘I never loved you’, Rosa said. ‘You didn’t mean anything.’

And the truth had hurt so much.

It still hurt. Because it should have been Rosalind and not Saul. Still she reached for her phone and opened her chat with him. He would be there if she asked him to. He wouldn’t even hesitate to be there. It felt so wrong. And she couldn’t bring herself to actually message him. Not this time. She knew it hurt him too every time she broke down because of this. It hurt him to see her hurt. And she didn’t want to hurt him.

So the fairy threw her phone to the other side of the sofa and turned away from it. Her tears had dried. Now she only felt sick and exhausted and wanted to die. Not literally, but she wished she could close her eyes and stay in that state forever. Just numb and existent.

Then there was a knock on her door. And she knew she had to get up again. “It’s open.”

It was Saul who stepped in. The look on his face told her that he had sensed something was wrong. If he didn’t for the way she behaved earlier then it was through their bond now. Wondering why he didn’t just come in she wiped her face dry with the back of her hand.

He sat down next to her and reached for her, but she moved away. “Please don’t touch me.”

“Of course.” Thoughtfully he moved away either, so she had more space. “I…I felt you were upset. I didn’t know if you wanted me to be with you or not?”

Lately it seemed as if she didn’t know any answers to the questions she was asked. “I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“You don’t.” Farah saw he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to touch her, and she felt it, but she didn’t know if she could stand it. Not as long as she thought about Rosa hurting her. She didn’t want to connect his soft touch with hers. “You never do Farah.”

“I just- I-I-“ She didn’t find the words for it.

“Is there something I can do for you?”

Why was he so soft with her? How could he be, how could he want to help her always when she was this disgusting? When she was so pitiful? When everything about her was just a mess? “No…I- please go Saul. Please. Just leave me. I don’t deserve this.”

The specialist shook his head quicker than she could finish her sentence. And he moved closer and reached for her hands. “No.”, his tone was hard and firm, “Don’t you dare to say that. Don’t you dare to ever believe what Rosalind told you. Do you hear me?”

“I-…” She tried it again but couldn’t finish her sentence. The words seemed to flee her mind when she looked for them. “Saul-…”

“I don’t want to hear you say that.”, he hugged her. It was gentle despite his tone and he pulled her on his lap, rocked her like he always did when she couldn’t stop crying in his arms. “You deserve the world Farah. I wish I could kill her for what she did to you. For how much she hurt you.”

“But you can’t!”

Saul didn’t reply to that. One of his hands moved to the back of her head while the other rested on her back. He knew she was hurt, he knew she couldn’t help all her emotions in moments like this. It was just natural for him to help her through it. “No Fa. I can’t. But I’m here. I will always be here, as long as you want it.” He loved her enough to even leave her if she wanted him to.

But Farah didn’t. Sometimes he couldn’t explain why, but she stayed with him. She always did. And for that he couldn’t thank her enough.

“Ssshhh I’m here Farah. I’m here.”

And eventually she calmed down just enough to wipe some tears out of her face and bury her face in his neck while her hands moved to his hair. “Why did she hurt me this much?”

“Some people are like that. I wish it were different but sadly it’s not.” To think about their former mentor hurting the woman he loved made him angry all over again every time. If he had only realized it sooner. If he had only known in the past what she did to her when they didn’t know it. He should have seen it. When he thought about it now it was clear. Rosalind hadn’t just been hard with Farah or trained her better. She fucking tortured her and abused her for years. And he didn’t know. “I’m so sorry Farah.”

“I loved her.” So much, she added silently, more than I could ever love you. More than I could ever love anyone. If that even was love and not something she just had made her believe. “I didn’t want her to hurt me. But I allowed it because I thought she would learn to love me.”

“I know Fa. I know you only wanted to be loved.” Saul promised himself again to show her all the love she deserved. “There is nothing wrong with wanting that. You can’t be blamed for it.”

“She raped me Saul.”

He knew it was one of the things that hurt her the most. It left a bitter taste in his mouth to have this picture in his head. “There was nothing you could have done.”

“Yes. I could have.” She could have done something. But she didn’t because of how naïve she was. How stupid. “I allowed her to. I didn’t fight. I accepted it.”

“And it still is rape Farah. I don’t ever want you to blame yourself or justify her actions.” She did that too often and she knew it herself. Most of the time she made up reasons why it was okay that Rosa did it. She felt like she asked for it. Like she deserved it. And again she cried.

“Oh Farah…shhh….I’m here. I’m here and I won’t leave my love.”

She closed her eyes and just let him hold her and whisper soft words, hating herself for needing this. For needing his comfort. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep like this. And when the darkness took over she even was too exhausted to dream bad like she very often did.


	8. Bond

Bloom looked at her watch. It was late in the afternoon and she felt guilty for having asked her mother in the morning for some time with her and now not having the time to show up. But she had told the girls too that she needed to have a word with them. So knowing she needed to wait for all of them to be there she sat at her desk, trying to do something useful and start with her homework until it was already after three. Around that time she wanted to meet Farah.

But before she could think about it more she hear the door opening and her friends loudly talking walk in. They have been out for a picnic and she sort of regrated not having went with them, but she had needed to think about how she should tell them what she found out in the last days.

Hearing them she realized she still didn’t know. In the end, what would it matter? They were her friends, and she could probably tell them everything just like that. Terra had reacted great, so why shouldn’t they? There could be worse things. And she was happy for how everything was now, maybe a little unsure and still confused, but it was better then anything she hoped for.

And it was time to tell them. She didn’t want to sneak out anymore or make up lies why she stayed away. It was a surprise anyways that Terra managed to keep it for herself until now.

“Heeey. So…can we talk?”

*

She was up with a groan. It’s gotten too late yesterday, lost in conversations and chips, all of the girls stayed up until it was way after midnight. Now it was half past seven and she thought that she might not survive the day like this. Sitting up she stroke some lost strands of red hair out of her face and looked around, only meeting by this Aisha’s gaze who shifted from a book to her.

“How can you be this awake?” Yawning Bloom reached for her phone. Now it hit her again that she wanted to meet her mother in the afternoon. Feeling guilty for not having told her where she was or what she did she quickly typed in a short message of apology. She didn’t think she would be actually angry at her or something, still she knew it wasn’t nice to just not show up or inform her about the changings of her plan. “What are you reading there?”

“Studying. Magical runes. And you should do that too.”

There was nothing she would hate more than doing that. “The test is in the afternoon. We have time.” She could see on her friend’s face that she very much disapproved of that, but she soon went back to reading.

Bloom quickly grabbed some clothes and went with them in the bathroom to get ready for the day, with the intention to meet her mother as soon as possible. As she noticed she didn’t read her message and that made her feel even more guilty, because it meant Farah didn’t know yet why she never showed up.

The red-haired girl knew it wasn’t really important, she would know that everything was alright probably as it wasn’t like she was out somewhere dangerous, but she felt as if it was only right to let her know where she was or why she didn’t return to her in the afternoon.

Walking through the corridors she wondered how long it would me more or less a secret that she was the headmistress’s daughter. Surely It couldn’t stay between them forever.

Her thoughts stopped when she stood before the door that lead to her mother’s rooms. Not sure if she should knock or not she decided to do so and then open it. The chance of finding her there now seemed a little low, but maybe she was lucky. If not she would just go to her office, there she would probably find her then.

“Mom? Are you here? I’m sorry, I totally forgot to text you yesterday-“, she shouted while taking off her shoes and stepping inside. Her gaze shifted to a certain specialist, sitting on the floor before the couch with a cup of coffee and some papers before him on the small coffee table. “Oh- Do you know where she is?” Talking to him still felt stranger than it should.

Saul nodded towards the door of the bedroom. “She didn’t wake up yet.”

“Really?” She couldn’t believe that. It was nearly eight now and from what she heard of her mother it wasn’t unusual that she was awake for hours already at that time. She even got up early on the weekend. “Is she okay?”

“Sure.” If Bloom wasn’t wrong he hesitated for a moment. But maybe he did not, and she was just paranoid. With a shrug she looked around the room, unsure what to do now. She wouldn’t have a class today until the afternoon when the test started, so she could pretty much do with her time what she wanted. Well, maybe she should study. But as she didn’t want to that stayed the worst-case option.

“Does she like- have a class soon or something?” If her mother had to get up soon she could maybe wait there without making things awkward. “If not then I will just find her later. It’s not important.”

The redhead watched as he shook his head and put the papers aside. “I actually don’t know. Decided to let her sleep. But I don’t think she would mind if you stayed anyways.” He smiled at her. Now that he did she felt easier around him. It made him appear way much softer. “Did you already have breakfast?”

“No.”

“Then let’s eat together.”

Five minutes later she found herself sitting across him in the kitchen, eating toast and drinking coffee. She didn’t really know what to say and neither seemed he so they both just stayed quiet and ate. But it was no bad silence, it actually felt nice again. To be honest she wasn’t sure all the time on how to feel when she was near him. Not that he didn’t seem nice, but he felt so distant. Maybe that was just because he was even more a stranger than her mother with who she could quickly find some sort of connection.

“Don’t you have school?”

Bloom had followed his gaze to the clock. Chewing she shook her head. “No.”, she swallowed, “Well yes, but in the afternoon. A test about something.”

“Something?”, an amused look crossed his face, “That doesn’t sound prepared very well. I don’t want to scare you, but I don’t know if your mother will like it if you have bad grades. She’s a nerd.”

“I noticed.”, she returned his smile with a grin, “She keeps a whole collection of fantasy books in the living room.”

“Wait until she makes you watch lord of the rings with her.” She would say his tone was mocking if it weren’t for this soft undertone that told her once again how much he must love that woman. Something in the way he acted softened when he started to talk about her, even if he sort of made fun about her behaviours like not being able to cook, or seemingly being a nerd. “Last time she expected me to watch all movies in one row. The long versions.”

For some reason this made her grin even more. In a way it was hard to imagine. But at the same time not. If she thought about it more it was something she could absolutely picture. “Sounds cool.”

“Wait until she forces you to.”, the older man took a last sip from his coffee, “I bet you won’t be so thrilled then anymore.”

She was just about to reply that she probably would, when a soft voice from the door made her turn her head. Her mother stood there, dressed in her pyjama still. In her eyes she looked pale and everything but okay. Saul noticed it too, he was up quicker than she could think about how to react. “Farah?”

The woman with light golden-brown hair lifted her head a little and did what seemed to be the attempt for a smile, but it actually ended up looking rather pained. “Bloom. Was everything alright yesterday?”

She felt worse now for not having told her. “Yes. I’m sorry, I uhm, I was with my friends. I should have told you.”

“Don’t worry.” She wasn’t sure if her mother really didn’t mind. She watched as she sat down with Saul now standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders. It was clear that he worried quite a bit about her. “Saul? Why didn’t you wake me?”

He put his hand on her forehead. “You were tired.”

“I will be late for the first lesson.”

“You definitely will. I want you to lay down.”

Bloom put down her piece of toast and watched with interest as the two adults talked. Something about the way they had conversations always seemed to be so intimate and at the same time natural. As if they didn’t actually need the words and could just as well look at each other. It was hard to believe that they didn’t were more than just ‘complicated’.

“I feel fine.”, her mothers tone was pouting.

“No you don’t.”, the specialist stated. Something about the way they acted made the girl think that something really wasn’t right. She wondered if something happened. “We both know that. So why don’t you go back to bed? I’m sure Bloom will keep you company until I’m back.”

The redhead just now realized that he would have to go to his class as well soon.

“How long can you stay?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Twenty minutes?”

Bloom watched as they left the kitchen. She didn’t follow them just now as she wanted to give them a moment alone.

So she decided to meanwhile do something sort of useful; clean up the kitchen and read some book pages for the test which she had saved on her phone. After doing that for about fifteen minutes and realizing that she should have studied more she followed them out of the room. They sat on the couch, her mother with her eyes closed and face pressed against the men’s chest while he stroke her back and whispered something to her.

Not really knowing if she should sit down next to them or not she went for taking seat on the floor before them, so she was close but not too close. Only a moment later Saul said goodbye to them and left for his class.

Still sitting on the floor she reached for one of the very uncomfortable glitter pillows which rested on the couch to stuff it behind her back, but her mother stopped her.

“Sit next to me?”

She didn’t like how her voice sounded. It sounded small and hurt, not like she was used to hear her. Sure, she got to know another side in the last days, something softer and friendlier, but nothing that seemed as fragile as this. As unsure as this.

Immediately she moved to sit closer to her. Within a short moment she was being held close by her mother’s arms. She already missed this feeling.

“I’m sorry for yesterday.”, Bloom repeated. In her eyes she didn’t apologize properly for it. “It was rude to not show up after asking you for your time. I just forgot. That wasn’t nice. I didn’t want you to worry or anything.”

*

“It’s alright. Really.” She knew her daughter hadn’t been in any sort of danger. She could have felt it. Besides that it had been a normal day, and both could have ended up unexpectedly busy anyways. “I knew you just got into something with school or friends. But I would appreciate it next time if you just texted me?” Then she wouldn’t have spent a whole afternoon waiting for an answer. Now that she thought about it she could have written her as well. But that would have seemed somehow as if she needed her to be there. And she didn’t want to be like that.

“I will. I’m sorry.”

Farah nodded and kissed the top of her head. “It’s fine.” She didn’t want her daughter to worry too much about it. It was nothing important after all. “I don’t get angry over things like that, you know? I dare to say I’m a cool person.”

Bloom gave her a little grin. “Saul hinted you would be pissed if I had bad grades.”

“Your grades are already just la-la.” There were still worse students, but she would prefer it if her daughter cared a little more about it. She didn’t need to be the best, but rather more on the better side of the middle. “I wouldn’t kill you, but I wouldn’t be pleased either. Still, you’re old enough to do that as you please I’d say.” She decided that to a certain point she cared, but over that her girl had to make her own decisions. She couldn’t force her to study, or have friends, or do something just because she would prefer that.

She felt that the girl was actually surprised at this. For a moment she had tensed in her arms, but she was relaxed now again and rested against her. “How do you feel? You look pale Mom. And Saul obviously wants you to rest.”

“Oh dear God. Now you too.”, she groaned. Nothing could be worse than people worrying. “I have a headache. And slept bad. Yesterday was a little rough-“ Her daughter looked terrified at her and she realized why she did so. She thought she was the reason. So quickly the older woman added:” No honey, not because of you. In general. Don’t worry.”

Her head seemed to hurt with every minute more. Having cried through the whole night straight left her now feeling like a piece of shit. Her partner had been right, she was too exhausted for teaching now. But she probably would have went for it anyways if he didn’t ask of her to stay there and take a break.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” Bloom moved so she didn’t lay on her anymore and instead more next to her, but she still had her arms around her.

Farah shook her head. “No Sweetheart. You’re my daughter.”

“Oh really? I didn’t notice.” The girl hugged her a little tighter. “You would offer me that too. And I care about you. I don’t want you to be sad or something.” It took her a lot of control to not start crying at this. Her girl was so grown now. The missed so much, so many moments. And she could never get them back.

Everything that had to do with raising a child was lost for her. She couldn’t get that. No matter if she had her now close to her or not. She missed the most important part. Now her daughter was nearly an adult herself.

“Mom? Are you crying?”

She tried to hide it, turn away and not let her see. But she noticed anyways. “I’m sorry. I am so fucking emotional lately.” Having her daughter finally with her seemed to have freed too many emotions she would have had locked up usually. “I don’t want to just cry around you.” It seemed to be the only thing she did constantly in the last days.

“You don’t. I don’t know you much yet, but I know you’re more than ‘just crying’, Mom. You’re hurt.”

How could her girl be so sensitive? She was so sweet. So caring after all. And she understood what went on around her in a way that others didn’t. It made her understand how much of herself must be actually. In a way when she looked at Bloom all she could think about was Rosalind. Because so many things about her appearance were like a copy of her former mentor and lover. If she could even call her that. But when she managed to look behind that she saw herself so clearly.

“I don’t- I don’t want you to worry Bloom.” With the back of her hand the older fairy wiped her tears away. She needed to stop this and get better control on her emotions around her. “I’m okay. Being with you is…overwhelming.”

The redhead smiled a little at her. “I hope in a good way.”

Her words made the tears start again. This time at least she managed to wipe them away before they ran over her face. “I love you so much Bloom. I’m so sorry.”

“We were over this part Mom. It’s okay and I’m thankful you prevented me from harm.”

But for what? For what did she do it? Rosalind never got free. Rosalind never was in the position to destroy her daughters life. She could have raised her. She could have seen her grow up instead of sending her away to live with strangers which she considered now as her parents. Farah could never take that away from her again and she didn’t even want to, but it hurt still to know her daughter had someone else. Actually she didn’t have the right to be hurt. It had been her decision.

As if Bloom knew what she was thinking she rested her head on her shoulder and moved a little closer again, closing the last bit of distance between them. “I would have freed Rosalind sooner. And maybe then you couldn’t have protected me. Everything could have been worse. You don’t know what could have been if you didn’t bring me to my human parents.”

She frowned. “How- how did you know what I was thinking?” Has it been that obvious?

The girl hesitated. “I sort of…felt it. Not in real words but…I don’t know. It’s like emotions, but I know what is behind them.”

“Can you always do that?”

“No.” The answer came immediately. In her eyes a little too quick to believe it. “I don’t. But I did a few times with you. Isn’t that normal?”

It was. And it made her even happier than before, while at the same time she knew it meant she had to work on keeping her emotions more for herself again. She didn’t want her daughter to feel them. She already filtered a lot for Saul, only let through what she thought was okay and for her child it needed to be even less. Her specialist most of the time didn’t know why she felt what she did, unless it was something he could connect with something, while Bloom really did understand. And that felt like a violation of privacy; for both of them. “It is normal Sweetheart. That’s a bond.”

“Was it always there and I didn’t realize, or is it newly created?”

The older woman smiled a little through the rest of the tears that still weren’t dried. “I would say a little bit of both. Bonds are complicated.” She wondered how much Bloom actually felt from her. If that was really just the bond, or if it was something deeper.

“Do you feel what I feel too sometimes?”

“In a way.” She would say she always did. In the back of her mind. Barely there, just like a breeze, but sometimes she did. Like a signal telling her that her daughter was still out there. It was one of the things that helped her realize who she was when she met her again. “I am a mind fairy, so I feel a lot of what the people around me feel in general, if I don’t cut it off intentionally.”

“But if you do; if you do cut that off, would you feel me?”

“Yes. I would. I always felt you there.” Not as graphic as what her girl felt but she did. “I can cut off my surroundings, but I can’t cut off the bond. Not completely.” Her relationship with Saul taught her that. She had tried it. After realizing that many things Rosalind said or did, happened after she felt through their bond she tried to block it off. For a long time she hated the thought of someone feeling her, her emotions and some of her thoughts. Because it could be used to hurt her. But he had showed her how good it can be. As always he helped her fixing things.

Bloom kissed her cheek.

“For what was that?”

“I don’t know. Seemed like you need it.” The redhead smiled at her with big ocean eyes and let her go. “I will get you now some breakfast and a blanket. And then you do what your boyfriend wanted and rest while I try to get some magical runes into my head.”

She laughed. Maybe she need to have this morning with her daughter. The headache might still be there, but besides that she already felt lighter. Less drained than when she got up. She just hoped Saul told someone that she wasn’t going to teach today, she disliked the thought of the classes waiting for her. Not that she thought they actually would. If she didn’t show up within twenty minutes they probably left anyways.

“Okaaay”, Bloom walked in with a tray, “Breakfast is ready. Now blanket and maybe a book?”

“You’re an angel sweetheart. Thank you.” With someone else she might have rather snapped that she wasn’t helpless. But her girl was so eager to help her she decided to let her. “If you’re finished with studying we could have some ice cream and watch a movie?”

“Like lord of the rings?”, came the low reply from the bedroom.

For some reason she felt as if she missed some sort of inside joke. “Uh well if you want to-“

Her feeling got confirmed when Bloom started laughing. A little grumpy she bite into the toast she made her. She felt bullied by her own daughter. “In case you’re going to mess around with me I will just give you house arrest or something!”

“Oh you wouldn’t dare.” The girl walked in with a blanket and book and threw both more or less in her direction. If she hadn’t put down her cup with tea a second ago she would find herself in a bad situation now. “I might accidently slip some information about you and the specialists headmaster…returning in the morning, huh?”

Farah grinned. “Shut up and go study.”


	9. The help of a friend

It was half past four on a Friday in the afternoon and the weather outside was miserable. The days seemed to get shorter with every one passing by and by now it was already getting dark outside.

And Farah started to get tired of just sitting inside, watching as the two people across her tried to play chess. She watched them making unnecessary moves and wrong choices for about thirty-five minutes until she couldn't take it anymore. "Okay enough you two. This is horrible. Saul, didn't you say you know how to play this?"

"Who said I don't?"

She huffed. "You're losing against a teenager. Not that she is any good at this."

"Hey!", Bloom protested but a grin played around her lips. "I never played this before."

"I noticed that." It would have been hard not to. And still she played better than her partner who obviously had no clue at all on what he should do. For someone who was militarily trained he really sucked at making moves and decisions to win in a boardgame against a sixteen-year-old. "Do me the favour and play something easier. For the sake of you both." Having watched then, listened to them, and swept up some of their feelings and thoughts a headache started to build behind her temples. For some reason just following them as they played with her eyes made her more tired than it should.

Her daughter shrugged and stood up from the floor where she sat at the small table to sit down on the couch and after a moment Saul did the same. Both didn't say it, but they seemed to be annoyed by this game just as much as she was.

Finally that there was a little more peace she cuddled deeper into the soft blanket she had wrapped around herself and got back to the book she originally wanted to read. Until the specialist and younger fairy decided to play board games. It wasn't what she would choose as an activity for the afternoon, but she enjoyed watching them together. Within the last week they seemed to have gone from strangers to good friends very quickly, but that was to expect. Saul was great with children of any age, he was so soft and gentle when he stopped trying to be authoritarian. And Bloom was very open too as soon as she realized that she could fully trust him and act around him like she did so quickly around her.

It gave her the feeling of something she never really experienced before; a family. A real family that was her own. Nothing that just seemed like it or could be compared to it. She was with her daughter and the man that would move the world for her. Clearly she would be stupid to not be grateful and happy.

"I'm hungry." Farah's thoughts were broken by her daughter who raised her head from her phone and looked at her with big blue eyes. She knew she wanted something certain.

"Isn't it a little early for dinner?"

Saul huffed. He gave his partner a look from the side:" You don't need to say anything about this. Your eating habits aren't better."

She would snap back if his words weren't so accurate. But they were and so she rolled with her eyes, knowing he was very well aware of the fact that he had defeated her on this. "...then enlighten me Bloom, what would you like?"

"I suppose there's no McDonald's near the school?" The redhead looked at them with big eyes as if she already knew it would be not exactly a short way to the next one.

Farah sighed. Now both were looking at her with big eyes. Her specialist liked this idea immediately, he wouldn't have to be convinced.

And actually she was hungry too now that they talked about it. "...and now you expect me to do what exactly?"

"Maybe open a very tiny portal for us so we're there within a few minutes?"

To everyone else she might have said no. She didn't like to use magic around as if it was some joke. But she didn't want to say no to her daughters request. So if it made her happy she would create one for them as it actually was no big thing. "We'll leave in five minutes."

*

"Honestly, when was the last time you ate something?"

Saul couldn't do much more but to watch a little amazed as Farah finished what was her second huge burger and reached for his fries. He didn't mind, any time he got to see her eat was good and he wouldn't interrupt it, but he thought that by now she should be more than full.

"Ifawf-"

"Please swallow before you talk.", normally she was the one to tell him this. Bloom grinned at her now too, watching as she took a sip of her Sprite before she spoke.

"It was", the older fairy repeated excessively slow, "yesterday. Lunch."

He sighed. Someone should make this woman a checklist to assure she looked after herself a little more. The only reason he didn't find her lately as he usually at night sleeping in her office was Bloom, because nothing seemed to be able to come between them in the afternoon, when they met every day and watched a movie, or talked, or did whatever they did. If it weren't for that she would probably work even more than she normally did, just to process everything that happened lately. "Farah."

A quick look at the girl sitting next to him he realized that she was concerned. His partner noticed it too because she assured immediately:" I just forgot it. Don't worry."

The redhead might believe it, but he didn't. He knew she got very busy normally, but still it wasn't new if she would ignore having to eat or drink or sleep like any other person. "For someone who is that hungry now it's impressive how you could just 'forget' it."

"Can we change subject?", the look she send him was rather deadly, "Now that we're pointing out things we forgot, what about you and the laundry?"

"...I might have forgotten to take it out of the machine."

"And you might have washed it with bleach."

"Oh." He didn't even get to wonder about why she kept bleach with the washing powder and fabric softener, he just knew he sort of fucked up with this. Her clothing wasn't something to joke about, he knew how much she hated it when even some stains got on them. The specialist didn't care much about the few items of his own he destroyed, but he knew he would have to replace some of her things. Not necessary because she couldn't, rather more to show how much he was sorry. "I'm sorry. Really. What did I destroy this time?"

"My favourite dress." 

He definitely would have to replace that. "But honestly, I see no reason in you keeping bleach there. No wonder I confused it."

Farah frowned and opened her mouth to shot back, but Bloom quickly stepped in. "Guuyyyss, could we please have dinner without arguing?" It was clear that she was a little embarrassed at their conversation.

"Fine.", the older one ate the last of Saul's fries. He stopped trying to get one a few minutes ago, the fairy obviously claimed them as her own. "Do we want to go back home or...?"

In his eyes there wasn't anything more to do here, he just wanted to go back home. And so did the woman sitting across him, even if she didn't say it he felt that she was tired and wanted to be where they would be alone again. She didn't like people or places with them, which was ironic for the fact that she was headmistress of a school filled with teenager only controlled by probably thirteen adults.

But the girl seemed to have other ideas. "Could you show me around the city? I would like to see more of the Otherworld."

"Sure." Farah replied before he could think about an answer. He knew she wouldn't say no to her daughter asking that. But maybe this was a good way to tire both out and make sure they don't stay up too long again, watching random drama series on tv and eating unhealthy amounts of ice cream ( - Bloom, not Farah. Even though when he thought closer about it his parnter actually too.).

*

If someone asked her to describe what she felt as she walked with her mother and the specialist through the city she would probably be on a loss of words. But it was nice, a soft feeling, welcoming and familiar. A person who watched them might could thing they really were a family.

And for some reason that made everything feel even more magical.

To be honest, she didn't care much about what she could see, even though it was beautiful and exciting. On the first look there wasn't much difference to what she knew. Buildings, shops, café's, restaurants. Nothing that could show off about the fact that the people here were familiar with magic. But when she looked closer she started to see more behind it. As for example the lamps that casted the street in a soft light. They weren't electrical, they were like glowing stars, being closer to them than the real ones and drowning everything in a golden shimmer. She wondered how they worked, but she didn't ask.

Instead she walked silently next to Farah, held her hand and listened to her when she told her something about the things they were seeing. She wondered if they would live at a place like this too, if she would have been raised by her mother. How her life would look like now if it had gone well if there wouldn't have been troubles.

"Mom?"

"Yes?", the older woman smiled at her and pressed her hand for a heartbeat a little harder, "Is everything okay?"

She nodded and looked briefly at Saul who stopped walking a few meters ahead of them as he noticed they stopped. "You don't live in Alfea, do you? Like where do you go on holidays and so?"

"No, of course I don't. I will show you when we have more time." Her mother smiled at her for a moment longer then took another step, keeping her hand in hers.

Bloom didn't move, instead she stayed standing there. "It's Friday, we have the whole weekend. Can you show me now?" She asked herself how long it will take until she knew everything about her mother and the people she surrounded herself with. There seemed to be something new every day, lots of details she had to discover. "I would really like to see."

The two adults exchanged a look. She wasn't sure what it meant but finally her mother shrugged. "Okay fine."

*

Seeing her daughters face light up with excitement was worth many things. Even feeling as if she didn't sleep in days when she closed the portal that brought them there. It had been more draining than the other one, as this distance was way bigger, and she was even more tired by now. But Saul already felt it and had his hands around her waist. It gave her enough strength to continue the rest of the way until they reached the small cottage that once has been Rosa's.

Rosa. How did someone like her manage to create, even in all the darkness that surrounded her, so many things that seemed to be beauty itself? Even after all those years the place was still clean and beautiful, flowers seaming the way, wood light and white. If she didn't know it better she would call it wonderful, a safe place full of nice memoires. But she did know it better.

And it was still the place the woman created who had tortured her.

But Farah knew she couldn't let go of it, the memories that came with it. The ones that didn't hurt her. The two or three ones she would enjoy if she weren't aware of the fact that she never loved her or cared about her. Or did anything to make her truly happy. Instead she made sure she would be hurt forever without much chance of forgetting.

"Do you like it? I'm sorry, I haven't been here in a while." It was exactly two years. Two long years since she stayed here the last time. And never before had she brought Saul.

He knew what place this was, but he didn't judge, and she felt it. Instead he showed interest in it, wanting as much as the redhead to step inside.

They wouldn't find much interesting though, every sign of Rosalind had been cleaned out by her. There was nothing left but a small box of pictures, kept under clothes she never wore in her closet there.

Now it was just a house. A beautiful small white house she couldn't let go.

"Are you kidding? It's beautiful!"

The specialist nodded agreeing with the girl and looked at his partner who sighed a little and went to open the door. The sooner she got it behind herself the better. It was just a house, a house that held memories, but couldn't hurt her. So she opened the door and turned on the light, happy about the fact that everything worked just as good as she expected it to. Rosalind had created the perfect place to pretend comfort and love. Not that she pretended it often.

It's been after a fight that she showed her this place, told her she made it for her. But the same evening she found herself chained to the bed there again. And after that they might have visited briefly, just when Farah managed to make Rosa go there. When she craved enough for a normal home. But she didn't get that, never.

Bloom followed her quickly and nothing could stop her from exploring the floor and go from there to the first room.

The last one to enter was Saul, he closed the door and reached again for Farah who allowed herself to lean against him as he wrapped his arms gently around her. "It's a nice place Farah."

"At least it seems so."

Rosalind had been great at making things seem as if they were okay and alright.

"I didn't know you kept it.", his tone was soft, and he kissed her forehead. "I never expected to see it."

Sighing she pressed her face into his chest. He smelled like he always did, a soft mix of cinnamon and dark wood. She loved it and took it as a reason to wear his clothes and night when he wasn't there. It made her feel safe when everything around her seemed to collapse, because it was something steady in their lives. And still she didn't know what perfume it was. She never asked. "I wanted to burn it down. Obviously I couldn't do so. "

"No.", he kissed her head, "I will go free some things of dust now. Are somewhere here fresh bedsheets?"

"Don't worry about that, I will look for them.", she felt sick at the thought of sleeping together with him in the bed. She felt sick just thinking about sleeping in it in general. She had used it with Rosa. Or Rosa had rather used it with her. It seemed wrong. So wrong. And Bloom shouldn't sleep in it either.

Saul felt her tensing in his arms and held her a little closer. "Are you okay?"

"I don't want to sleep here."

For a moment he watched her with a frown until his expression changed and he understood. "I'm so sorry Fa. Maybe...maybe we could sleep somewhere else with enough blankets and pillows? I don't think you have the energy to bring us back to Alfea now."

She wished she had but she didn't. Maybe she shouldn't have agreed on coming here now.

Suddenly the sound of Bloom looking through some drawers coming from the little study room caught her attention. "I guess I will survive one night here." With that she went to her daughter to check on her, feeling a little anxious on what she might find while going through her things.

"Is that you?", the redhead held up a blurry picture with a smile. So she found her collection of photographs. But those were fine, she wouldn't find anything that could be connected with Rosalind. Those were just the ones she didn't want in Alfea, the ones she stored here because she would never need them anyways. The closer she stepped to it the more she understood what picture it was. It was the one with her and her first crush. Griffin.

"Yes. That's me."

"And she?"

"Griffin." She wondered why after all these years she still remembered the name. It had been something silly, something childish. A thing she never learned to understand because it felt wrong in a way. It didn't last long enough to call it more than a fantasy. Not that it had ever been more. "She was a friend."

"Was it 'complicated'?", her daughters tone was mocking, and she put the picture down to look at the next one. "Saul?"

Farah smirked a little at herself. He looked very handsome in that one. He wore shorts and a plane white shirt, his hair being wet and hanging in his eyes. It was one from his second year, he had given it to her one day, but she didn't remember when. She just remembered when they took it. It had been a warm summer day which they spend together with Ben and his late wife Rose at a beach. "Yes. Most of them are from him, Ben and me."

The redhead nodded and put that one down as well before she reached for the next. But she hesitated. "Did you...did you keep anything with me on it?"

That question had to come. And now she felt as if the truth was wrong. "No." She couldn't even manage to hold when she was born, so how could she have managed to own a picture? This way she had hoped to be able to forget. As if what little of memoires she had about her would fade over the time and one day disappear completely. "Well...I-...sort of."

"Hm?", the girl turned around and faced her with her blue eyes.

"I'll show you." She didn't want to but still she made her daughter follow her to the bedroom where she opened her closet. She already shared so much, she could share all this as well. Or at least she could try to as long as she felt brave enough to face it.

Carefully the older woman put down the box on the bed next to where Bloom sat. She opened it. "I...I didn't expect to look at these again." The first one was Rosa. She wanted to lay it on the side, the front of the picture facing the blanket, but the hands of her daughter stopped her.

"Can I look at it?"

She looked up. The girl smiled a little, but it was a sad and small smile. She didn't like this either but was interested, that she could see. So with a small nod she handed her the photograph. "Of course. It is your story as well."

So she watched as her daughter took the pictures out of the box and looked at them. They weren't really many but enough to make her mind dizzy from all the memories connected with them.

"She looks so nice here." Farah knew those words were a statement of what the girl saw on this particular picture. And still it hurt her.

"Appearances are deceptive." The picture would have probably really been nice for everyone else. She had taken it. In Alfea, in Rosa's rooms. Her former mentor and lover grinned on it, her hair was open as it seldomly was and she sat on the bed. But probably fifteen minutes later she had slapped her across the face and pushed her roughly against a wall.

Bloom watched her for a long moment then put the pictures she held away. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have made you show me these."

Farah hoped with all her heart that the girl didn't get to feel her emotions too much on this. That she just apologized because of the subject in general and not because she sensed her feelings and memories.

"No. It's okay." She hated making her sweet girl feel guilty for wanting to see pictures of her other parent. It was only natural. "But uhm, I wanted to show you this." She lifted a small pile of letters from the box under which where other three pictures. Two of them being sonograms, the last one her, eating ice-cream and being highly pregnant. She hated the picture with all her heart, Ben took it without her wanting to. But it was the best now she could offer her daughter. "I'm sorry that this is all."

"No...it's perfect.", Bloom looked at the pictures with big eyes, "I look so cute."

She huffed. "You're like a pea-sized dark spot on this sonogram. I don't know if that can be called cute."

"Stop being so negative.", her girl pushed her elbow playfully in her side, "I like it."

Farah replied with a soft hum and put the already looked at photographs back in the box.

"Did you...did you name me? Or were it my human parents?"

"...I did not." Another thing she wished she could change. But she had decided that someone who couldn't hold their own baby shouldn't be the one in position to name it. "If I had it would have been easier to find you."

"To find me?"

She didn't feel the strength anymore for this. But it might be time to talk about the rest of the story. To finish what she started with the last time. "I wanted to name you Vivian", she started, not answering the last question yet, "It was uhm...it was Saul's idea. He one day started to call you this and didn't stop. We didn't even know you were a girl then." While she talked Bloom moved closer to her. After she felt her girl hesitate she opened her arms and waited until she rested against her before she continued.

"He...he would have raised you with me. He would have told everyone you were his if I had wanted it." He had loved that baby too. That little thing she send away without considering him and the months he had cared for them with so much love. "I...I didn't really name you because it felt wrong. How could I? I...I didn't even find enough strength to hold you." The truth was so hard and ugly. "I didn't manage it once. But he did. He held you and I could see how much this hurt him too." And then she send her away. "But you know why I couldn't raise you."

With self-hatred she realized that her girl started crying in her arms. She didn't want to be the reason why she cried. She wanted to give her love and happiness, nothing but that.

"How couldn't you know where I was? Who I was? You said it wasn't easy to find me.", the voice of her girl was so broken.

Before Farah continued speaking she pressed a soft kiss on her head. "I send you away with the help of a good friend. She promised me she would find you a safe home. And she did, I knew that."

"Then why didn't you ask her for me when you wanted to find me?" The confusion was clear in her daughters tone. Of course she didn't understand, sometimes she herself questioned her own actions from the past and wondered why she couldn't have been smarter.

"She and I had an argument. A big one. It was before...you. And one day she left without a word. It took us many years to meet again and when we did I asked her for a favour. To find you a good home, to make sure you grew up safe. But if it weren't for how your magic got out of control, for what happened with your human parents we wouldn't have met again. We still weren't on good terms. She was the one to inform me about what went on so I could find you and make it alright." The rest of the story was clear. She had found her and brought her to Alfea where she could learn to control her powers.

So now they were here.

And Bloom still cried. She couldn't blame her for being overwhelmed and sad. Knowing she shouldn't continue with talking she stayed silent and held the girl again, hoping this was still alright and her daughter wouldn't decide to hate her now. She always feared that suddenly she would.


	10. Dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thankful for every comment, idea, critic and etc... It really helps me to see what you want to read or how I could make the way I write better! I'm always open for ideas and wishes <3

Bloom still laid with her whole body weight pressed against her and she noticed how her breathing had gotten deeper and calmer over the last minutes. She had fallen asleep. Not knowing for sure how long they have been sitting like this she moved a little and looked up, meeting Saul’s gaze. He stood in the doorframe and watched them with a soft look in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

She sighed. It’s been a long, seemingly never-ending day and she felt exhausted. “Yes. But I don’t want to leave her here.” Not in this bed, not sleeping alone after she cried so long in her arms from being overwhelmed by all the new things she got to know about what happened in the past.

“I will carry her in the living room.”, The specialist offered and took a step closer to them, “I found enough blankets and pillows to make an improvised bed.”

She appreciated his attempts to make everything nicer for her. To always assure she felt better even in the worst situations. But she changed her mind now. She didn’t want to stay just one single more night here. She should have burned this house down years ago. “Saul? I want to go back to Alfea. Please.”

It was clear that he wasn’t fond of that idea. So he shook his head. “You’re tired Farah. You didn’t feel good in general lately and you already transported us twice through a portal today. I don’t think it’s smart to do it again.”

He was right. And still she would manage it somehow. Everything was better than having to see these rooms just some minutes longer. “I can’t stand being here longer. I promise you it’s fine. But please let us leave.”

He felt the urgency in her voice and finally nodded. She was grateful he did because she couldn’t tell how long she would manage it without panicking. It was already surprising that she even managed to enter the cottage, to show her daughter pictures and talk about them. To sit on this bed on which Rosa had used her so violently.

Farah watched as he carefully picked up the sleeping girl and held her in his arms. Of course the redhead didn’t wake up, it would be the eight world-wonder if she did. Watching as her specialist took her daughter outside she collected the last items that weren’t back in the box she never showed anyone else, to put it back in the closet. She hesitated. Bloom liked those three that were the only ones capturing her in a way with her mother. Deciding she wanted to keep them she took them out again. Her girl would like that, she thought.

*

He didn’t like the idea of Farah opening another Portal. Not at all. But he had felt the distress in his partner’s mind and body as soon as they entered the cottage. She had tried to hide it that he knew, but she couldn’t keep everything from him. Not without making the silence he felt through their bond too obvious.

But she had done so well, he saw how much it took her to keep calm and offer her daughter some time at the place, to show her pictures and talk about the rest of her story. He had stayed out of the way, giving the two fairies some privacy, but he heard everything. Also the part where she told the girl about what he had offered so long ago. That he would have helped her raise the child, claim her as his own.

Now that Bloom knew he didn’t know how to feel about it. He wouldn’t have regretted it, he would have loved to help Farah and be a father to the child. It was just that now it made everything more painful again. Even though he tried to hide it, because after all he had no right to be hurt. The girl just wasn’t his.

Still he would be there for her, even if it was now not how it should have been. But the girl was still the same child he would have loved. The child he actually had loved but never admitted. And so he would do his best to be someone she could trust, someone she could talk to if she needed it.

Saul’s thoughts were broken by Farah who looked at him with a tired smile and nodded to show him the portal was ready. So with a little sigh he held the sleeping girl a little closer to him, wondering if there was even a way to wake her from her sleep.

“Go ahead. I will follow in a moment.”, the older fairy put her hand on his shoulder for a moment and gave him a little push. Not really wanting to go first, he would rather walk behind his partner to make sure she was okay, he did the first step. He hated how portals felt, they made you feel as if you feel down from a big high just to land underwater. But he was used to it and by now he didn’t get sick anymore. And after all it was Farah’s magic and even her portals seemed softer than other peoples.

Soon they were near the school again, standing on the grass just a few minute walk away.

Even Bloom stirred. She opened her eyes confused and looked around, realizing after a moment who held her. He put her down with a soft smile. “Good morning sleepyhead.”

She yawned and rubbed her eyes. “Why didn’t you wake me?” He was surprised that was what she asked and not why they were back at Alfea now.

“Good joke. I’m surprised you even woke up by this.” There really mustn’t be many things in this world to be able to wake the teenager. But it was good to know that portal-traveling did.

“Where’s Mom?”

“She’ll follow in a moment. Don’t worry.”

Waiting for the other woman he turned back to the blueish glow of the portal. It took a moment but then she stepped out either. The way Farah looked told him that she had to suppress some tears, but if it was because she was tired or because the place they have been he couldn’t tell.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded. “Of course. Let’s go inside.”

He watched as with a wave of her hand the portal faded. Somehow it still got to amaze him; even though he had seen magic all his life. Still it was beautiful every time.

Again waiting until his partner collected herself he stood there, watching her carefully. Years of being at her side told him that it was really enough now, and she had to go to bed. Her posture told him how bad this idea actually had been.

And Bloom noticed it too, she looked at her mother just like he did, realizing that something must be wrong. ”Mom?”

“Hmmm?”, she lifted her head. Even in the dim light that came from the school they could see how greyish her skin looked and how bad she must feel.

“Are you really-“ It already was too late.

Saul hurried at her side immediately, supporting her as she got sick and vomited on the grass. Her skin felt somehow hot and cold at the same time and he wished they never have gone to that cottage and rather went home instead.

Helping her into a kneeling position he kept one hand at her back and the other at her shoulder to make sure she stayed like this while she gasped hardly for air. It looked painful.

“Saul-“

“I’ve got you.” He held her a moment longer until it seemed as if her vomiting had stopped. “I will help you up now, okay?”

The nod she gave him was small but present and so he pulled her to her feet as carefully as he could. “Can you walk?”

He waited a moment long for her answer. Her skin felt so hot under his fingers, even through the fabric of her clothing and still she shivered. He shouldn’t have allowed her to transport them again, he should have noticed earlier that even she had bad days when her magic didn’t keep up with her. “Sure.”

Her tone wasn’t convincing. But she took a first step and so he continued to support her until the three of them finally arrived in her rooms. It felt like a whole eternity passed since they left the portal. Relief rushed over him as he had the woman he loved settled in bed, her eyes already closed and her body falling slowly into a, what he hoped, deep sleep. He barely managed to keep her awake long enough to dress her in something more comfortable.

With a last look on her the specialist closed the door silently just to directly face the red-haired girl who still waited there, wanting to know if her mother was alright. “She’s sleeping now.”

“But is she okay? Should we maybe get her a doctor…or something like that?”

Saul shook his head. If it wouldn’t be better in the morning he might consider dragging her to Ben who would tell them what to do, but it wasn’t unusual for her to have a reaction like that to using too much of her magic. “No Bloom. She just shouldn’t have used her magic again, that’s all. She’ll be fine in the morning.”

Together they went in the kitchen where he started to make some tea. It wasn’t late yet and he would stay up with Bloom and also to make sure Farah was really okay. He doubted she took much harm in this, but he couldn’t forgive himself if he missed anything and she was hurt.

“Why did she even try again? Couldn’t we have stayed there at night?” The tone the girl asked in told him she actually knew the answer. He didn’t know how because he doubted Farah would have told her, but it seemed clear that Bloom didn’t really need to tell him why.

“It’s been Rosalind’s house. Your mother never really wanted to stay the night there.”, he poured the boiling water into two cups and added teabags. “But I don’t think now I should have allowed her to transport us here.”

Bloom took the cup he offered her and sat down at the kitchen table. “I didn’t think it was a big deal for her to make those portals. If I had known it I wouldn’t have asked her to show me the house.”

He watched her for a moment. She obviously felt bad, as if it were her fault. Sitting down too he said assuring:” It’s not your fault. She sometimes does that; ignores her own limits. But your mother is old enough to say it if she can’t anymore.”

The girl sighed and put down her cup of tea. “She won’t be angry, will she?”

“Of course not. It was her decision to travel back at the same day.”

“Yeah, but I was the reason she had to do it so often. If I had known the house was Rosalind’s I wouldn’t have asked.” He found it interesting how she still referred to her other mother with her name. But that seemed just normal, especially with the girl knowing everything the former headmistress did.

“I think she would have showed you anyways, sooner or later. It is the story of you both.”

The redhead stayed quiet for a moment and sipped her tea. He felt the need in her to say something but for several minutes she didn’t. Waiting patiently he stayed sitting with her.

“Saul?”, she finally said in a low voice.

“Yes?”

“Farah told me you…you would have raised me with her.” He knew Farah did; he had heard it. It warmed his heart that the girl came with this subject to him.

“I would have.”, Saul said with a little smile, “I know I can’t do that now, but I’m here for you just as much as Farah is.”

Bloom took a deep breath. “I know everything happened so quick in the last days and I only know you as a private person for like a week now…but…”

“Yes?” He wondered what she wanted to say. He knew it was noting he should probably worry about and still it made her feel anxious.

“When I’m ready, when Mom is okay with it…could I call you ‘Dad’ then?”

The question was so suddenly that he wasn’t prepared for it. She caught him surprised and it took him several seconds to manage an answer. But he felt honoured that she considered it, that she asked him now. It made the past feel so real again.

And he remembered again how he had talked to her as she was still inside her mother, as he had been the only person to be able to calm the baby down when it moved so much that Farah couldn’t sleep. How he had held her hair whenever she got sick, even late in her pregnancy because it just didn’t seem to stop. The many hours he had stayed at her side when she went into labour, when she was so scared and needed support.

How he held the little baby that now was so grown. Rocked her, hummed her to sleep the first and at the same last night she was with them. This once nameless child that he held because her mother couldn’t do it.

“I- yes. My God, this is no question you ever have to ask me.” Quickly he wiped a tear away before it could fall down his cheek. He wasn’t used to show many emotions to everyone but Farah. End even she would have probably mocked him for starting to cry now. “I already loved you so much. I would have never hesitated to claim you as my daughter.”

Bloom smiled. Her nearly afraid expression changed to something relieved, something happy. “I’m sure you would have been a great father. Sky turned out wonderful.”

That reminded him of something. “You two. Sky and you. What’s going on with you?”

She blushed. “I like him?”

He couldn’t help but grin. “Is it complicated?”

Her cheeks already matched her hair, but without missing a beat she replied:” It runs in the family.”

*

She was sitting within a second. Sweat ran down her neck and face and she gasped for air. It took her a moment to understand where she was: her room. But she laid alone there, without Saul or Bloom. In the last days she especially got used to having her daughter next to her.

A look at her phone told her it was early, just some minutes after three.

With the whole world spinning around her she got up to go to the kitchen and get herself something to drink. She didn’t expect to find her daughter there, sitting in the darkness and being on her phone.

“Bloom?”

“Mom.”, the girl quickly looked up. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s my kitchen. And I could ask you the same Sweetheart.”, her tone was soft but still scolding, “I don’t want to ruin the party but It’s late. You should be in bed.”

“So should you.”, Bloom put down her phone, “Why are you awake?”

“Mhm.”, she went to the cabinet where the glasses where and took one, then filled it with cold water. It might help with the headache that seemed to be with her constantly. Maybe she should start taking the medication Ben had made her for it again. “I couldn’t sleep. And you?”

“Either. Dreamed bad.”

Farah hesitated. She had dreamed bad either. And it had been a horrible one. Real feeling, frightening, sending shivers down her spine when she just thought about it. She hated how Rosa managed it to torture her still after so long. With things she should have forgotten now. “What did you dream about?”

The look the redhead gave her told it all.

“Bloom I-“

“No. It’s okay.”

It was not. And she wished someone could tell her how to handle this. She hated herself for not having her shields up more, for having let her daughter feel and probably see this in a way. It was her dream, her problem. Nothing her daughter should have to deal with. Never. “No- Fuck. Bloom…I can’t put in words how sorry I am. I never wanted to let you feel this. Ever.”

Before she realized it she hugged her girl tightly as she started to cry. “Mom…”

“Ssshhh”, she kissed her head, wondering if Rosa had been right. If she was a horrible mother after all, the worst one to ever exist. If Bloom would start to hate her one day, because it seemed like she fucked up more with every single one passing by. “I’m so sorry Bloom.”

The redhead buried her face in her chest and took deep breaths. “I shouldn’t be crying. It was your dream.”

“Yes. And you should have never known anything about it. It’s okay if you cry.” You’re just a child, she added silently. A child who already did so well on processing where it comes from. The sad truth behind it’s existence. “I will hold you as long as you need it.”

“Mom- did she- did Rosalind really-“

Farah wished she didn’t need to reply. Bloom didn’t need more things in her mind, God knew it was full enough. She had to stand much more than she wanted her to. But she also knew her girl wanted answers. Because she had seen more than she should have if she wanted to or not.

And the dream had been so horrible and clear. So much like it had been in reality. Only that in reality Rosa didn’t ever kiss her like she did in the dream. Even in sleep her mind craved to be touched by her former mentor and lover in a good way, in a soft and loving way. Even if she just hurt her a moment ago. As if it then would make up for it.

Having her daughter ask her this made her feel sick again. But she took a deep breath to try to calm herself. She could care about the way her stomach twisted when she moved too fast or didn’t intentionally breathed deeply, when this conversation was over.

“You should have never seen that Bloom. Never.”

Her girl sobbed more. And if she weren’t so concentrated on keeping herself calm to not vomit she might have cried to. Because it was sad. In so many ways. “Try to calm down Sweetheart. It is okay. It’s over.” And she would make sure somehow her daughter never had to experience this through her again. Even if it meant she might never sleep again. “I’m okay.”

“She…Mom-“

“You don’t need to talk. It’s okay. I know it was bad.”, she kissed her forehead, “Let’s go to bed. It’s late. We can try to sleep. And if you still need to talk about it we will have time in the morning.”

Eventually she got the redhead to stand up and follow her to bed. Knowing she wouldn’t sleep for the rest of the night she pulled her daughter in her arms and watched her as she slept. She would ask her botanist friend for something to not dream. Or at least not this much. It didn’t matter how as long as it assured her daughter never had to see and feel that again.

*

It was late when the sound of the shower woke her up. She heard it clearly, especially when a few items dropped, followed by a loud cursing. It made her grin a little at herself, even though the memories of last night where still very much alive in her mind.

She wished she stopped remembering. Because the picture of her frightened mother was still she clear, the way she had sobbed and fought against the other woman who had created her. It was something she wished she could forget. It felt so wrong to have seen that, to have felt it.

And it only made her hate Rosalind more than she already did. What she had known was enough to, but seeing this dream, feeling it, had only assured her that her other mother was nothing to be loved.

Her thoughts got interrupted by Farah stepping out of the bathroom, a huge towel wrapper around her as she went to her closet. “You’re awake.”

“Surprise!”, Bloom laughed even with the dream in her mind, “I heard you dropping the strawberry shampoo. Or wait…was it the men’s one?”

“…funny.”

“No seriously, I though for a moment you were a hardcore lesbian keeping all the men’s stuff somewhere. At least Terra hinted that.”

Her mother send her a hard look. It only made her laugh more. “Terra…?”

“Yeah. She thought you didn’t like men. Obviously doesn’t have a clue about you and Dad.” It slipped her lips before she could think about it. But it felt so natural, she didn’t regret it.

The woman standing still only dressed in her towel frowned and opened her mouth, then closed it again. A moment passed. Then: ”I missed much yesterday, is that possible?”

“Sort of.”, the redhead sat up and reached for her phone to quickly check on some messages. Her friends texted her and she started to reply to them. When she was done doing so she looked up and saw her mother fully dressed standing there. “Mom?”

“Yes Sweetheart?”

“Are you okay?” She had to ask, feeling bad already as she remembered how she sobbed las night in her arms when it wasn’t even her who once experienced that.

Farah smiled as if nothing ever happened. “I am. And I’m here if you want to talk about it. But if not I suggest we forget about it. It’s okay.”

She wasn’t sure if it actually was. When she reached out for her mothers emotions she felt something cold and icy. It was as if she intentionally freeze everything to make sure she wouldn’t get past that wall. Probably nothing was okay. And still she nodded and returned her mothers smile. “Alright.”

“Good. Then get up, your ‘Dad’ made breakfast for us.”  


She grinned. So now she had found her real family. Finally, after looking so desperately for answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys still like this! I always fear it gets worse with every chapter I write :D


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